The Collinsport Chronicles XVII: Custody Fight
by Maryland Rose
Summary: Barnabas is back from Paralell Time with a refugee child. He wants to adopt him, but Carolyn has other plans. Also the VD clinic is hunting him, to his surprise, and this leads to an ominous encounter.
1. Chapter 1

Barnabas is back home. With him are Buffy Harrington and Edmund Collins, son of Quentin, both refugees from Parallel Time. Here he finds that Willie is about to become a father, and that Vicky and Phillip want to marry. He also has to face the revelation of what George's true relationship to Dave Woodard was.

* * *

CUSTODY FIGHT

Chapter 1

"When is Daddy coming back for me?" Edmund asked.

"Not now." Buffy did not know what to answer. It was hard for her to understand and accept this strange world. To ask Edmund to make the adjustment... He should be told, eventually, that his father was dead.

Quentin was dead... She did not believe it herself. And Roxanne... Barnabas had told her about Roxanne, what she had done and why.

She believed that. She had known Roxanne long enough to realize how in character that was.

Now she was Barnabas' housekeeper. Instinctively her hand went to her throat. It was silly, but she could not control her feelings where Barnabas was concerned.

Maybe it was the memories of that first time. He had been neither unnecessarily rough nor cruel. But he had used her. She had not yet recovered from her experience of being victimized by John Yeager, and to find herself victimized again had been more embittering than she expected it to be.

The wounds in her throat had closed. The blood she hardly missed. But the bitterness did remain.

But now she was alive and well, with nothing to fear. No Sergeant Haskell around. It was a strange world she was in, but not so strange that she could not find he way in it.

* * *

David took off his shoes before falling over his bed. He had finally made it. He was in college.

His roommate and his guest were making jokes about dorm food and other hazards to be found around. He did not think that he would care much about it.

What would they say if they knew that he had spent months in a place without electricity nor running water, and chained to his bed, too?

Chained to it by his cousin, who was not really his cousin. - He imagined himself trying to explain. "He's more of an ancestor. You see, he's a vampire who was born in the eighteenth century. He was locked in a coffin for over a hundred years. Willie Loomis let him out. Of course, he was rather freaked out those days, but he got over it..."

No, he could not tell them that. Now how Vicky had disappeared into the past, only to reappear changed, then became catatonic the night that he, with Chris and Sandy, had stopped the Leviathan...

Lord, the stories he could tell if there was any chance that he'd be believed..

* * *

George studied the inside of the Old House. Much of the stuff there had only sentimental value. After all, people in the past had as much bad taste as those in the present. Since the good stuff had a better chance of being preserved, people did not realize how much junk had been created in the past.

He could understand Barnabas not wanting to part with them. Their value was neither artistic nor monetary, it was in the memories they evoked in him.

"I imagine that it must be difficult to keep it clean all by yourself" he told Buffy.

"Yes." Buffy was somewhat wary "But luckily he's not the type to put on white gloves to pick up dirt. As long as it is passably neat, he does not mind,"

"He's easy to get along with, then?"

"Yes."

George smiled "Did he ever say anything about your choice of literature?"

"Literature?"

"That racing sheet that your are trying to hide."

Buffy picked up the sheet, flustered. "I don't see why it is any of your business" she said.

She was downright hostile. It was to be expected. She could not trust anyone with a uniform, not for a while, and any warning he gave her would be worse than useless. Probably he's have to ask Barnabas to tell her.

...If, after what he had come to say, he and Barnabas would still be talking to each other...

He looked at his watch. Too early for Barnabas to rise. If only there was someone he could talk to while the time away, but Phillip and Vicky were off, preparing for their wedding, and Buffy certainly did not want to talk to him.

Buffy could adjust to a vampire, but a cop was a different matter.

Maybe he should go away and come back later, but that way he risked getting busy and not coming back at all. Maybe he would not get the courage for this again.

He knew the ground rules. You waited until Barnabas had fed, and if your business was too urgent for that, you opened your collar and told him of it while he was feeding.

He had never been in that position... and now Barnabas might not want to do it at all, even since he had heard the truth about him. There was now a strain between them, and it was not wholly due to his helping Sabrina. He and Barnabas had shared much in the past. He had hoped for more... and now he might end up with nothing...

The door opened and Barnabas emerged.

"George" the voice was cordial, but the reserve was there. Would George make a pass at him now?

"You didn't expect me?" The hurt spilled out of George. He could understand why Barnabas would feel that way towards him, the way he could understand Buffy's mistrust, but it got him all the same.

"I...I didn't think." Barnabas tried to evade.

"Barnabas, tell me the truth. I deserve as much., if nothing else. Is it the fact that I helped Sabrina send you over? I had to do it. It was the only way I could be sure that she would not hurt you."

"I know."

"Is it because... because of what I told you about me?"

Barnabas looked down, not willing to speak about it.

"Yes... I am also...hungry."

George pushed up his sleeve. "Here."

Barnabas shook his head. "No."

"I promise that I won't make a pass at you. I just want to talk to you about it."

George looked so hurt, so pitiful, that Barnabas did not have the heart to refuse. Still, he did not relish it.

A slight tremor ran through George as Barnabas did it. Barnabas had never bitten him before. He had had fantasies about it, but the circumstances of it made it look like a dirty joke.

Barnabas lifted his head and wiped his mouth. George smiled uneasily at him.

"You see, I didn't try anything with you." he said bitterly.

"No, you didn't" Barnabas admitted.

"Why are you so suddenly uncomfortable around me? Do you really think that I would force myself on you? I had plenty of opportunities and I never took them. You never suspected a thing.

Barnabas wondered what to say. He finally settled down to a lame excuse. "I have little experience about this sort of thing."

"I had even less on handling vampires, yet I managed." his eyes gleamed dangerously "Did you know who my first lover was?"

Barnabas shook his head.

"Don't lie to me. You know full well who it was. If I could understand, and even forgive you for killing him, why do you have a hard time accepting that I bedded him as often as I could?"

"George..." the emotions warred within Barnabas. He wanted to comfort George, to reassure him, to tell him that nothing had changed. For another was the knowledge that everything had. That every word they now said would be charged with sexual tension and that he was afraid of it.

"Did you find it shocking about him? Maybe it will go easier on your conscience to realize that you killed a pervert, and that he did not deserve your tears and your pain."

"George..."

"Don't bother to explain. That's the way you feel, and that's the end of it.!"

And with those words he stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Derek threw the pencil away in disgust. No matter how he went about it, there wasn't enough money.

The ship was there, still sunk, timbers rotting, barnacles probably growing on top of the jewels.

The Russian Crown Jewels. He knew that they were there.

And what good did it do him to know it? To get them, he needed money, and he didn't have it.

If only he had one tenth of the money he had lost on the horses. If only he had managed to hold on to the money that Roger had given him. To the money that Sheriff Brant paid him. To his winning in the card games...

He was making book on the identity of the attempted murderer of J.R. Ewing, but he doubted that it would let him make the money he needed.

Specially if he came close to a bookie...

"Derek?" he heard Delia came in "are you there?"

"Yeah," he grunted.

"Did you pick up the laundry as I asked you to?"

"Yes. I did."

"Thank you."

That was another thing. Every day there was a new errand, a new domestic chore. Things that he had never done before.

He wondered how long it would take her to have him washing floors...

It was that damn therapy of hers. She had sworn off the SM, but what had taken its place was worse. She had switched form the obvious forms to the not-so-obvious.

She had interrupted her therapy too soon, against the protests of Dr. Hoffman, and it showed.

He wondered why he put up with her. In many ways it was convenient for him, true. He somehow liked her, even if she was not so much fun now. And he could always hit her for money, within limits...

So...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Hey, look at you!" Barnabas lifted Louella "You look wonderful."

"Thank you."

"Is it true that the kid is coming?"

"Not for some months, but yes, he'll get here."

"Unless, of course, it is a she." Willie said "I kind of fancy a girl"

"Well, maybe it will be twins." Barnabas put her down again. "It does not show up, yet."

"It will, don't worry, it will."

"Hey! Don't be impatient," Willie said "You can't expect it to show so soon."

Barnabas nodded. "You are right." he turned to Louella "I guess this takes you off my list."

"Yes. But you can always come here to talk."

"Just remember to make the visits short." Willie said. "she will be tiring easily now."

"Don't exaggerate, Willie" Louella sounded a bit irritated.

Barnabas decided to change conversation.

"Do you know that I have a kid of my own?"

"The one you brought from Parallel Time?"

"Yes. He's got no relatives here, no one who'd want him. So it will be up to me to give him a home. After all, his father entrusted him to me." The smile in Barnabas made it clear that he did not find this duty particularly ominous.

"It is going to be difficult."

"I can manage it. And what else can I do, make him a ward of the state?"

"No." Willie agreed.

"It is me or the State. He's too old to be seriously considered for adoption. I am not much of a parent, but I will have to do. There will be problems along the way, but I believe that I will be able to handle them."

"So you are determined?'

"He won't even need to change his last name. I want to make it legal... and if anything happened to me, would you mind if I made you the guardian?"

"What would happen to you?"

"Maggie sending Sabrina to fix me up for keeps. Willie, I have to know that he will have a place to go to."

"All right. You can do it" Willie gave in.

* * *

"I don't want to eat!" Edmund shouted at Vicky.

"Come on, Edmund. It is good for you."

"No!" Edmund crossed his arms.

"Edmund, you have to eat." Vicky's temper was getting strained.

"I hate you!"

She felt tempted to say that the feeling would become mutual very soon. Instead she insisted. "Edmund, you don't mean that."

"I mean that! Daddy said that you are bad and not to be trusted. You and Phillip!"

"No, Edmund, that's not true."

"My Daddy does not lie! Where is he? I want him! I want Roxanne!"

"Then can't be here."

It was useless. It was more than a childish tantrum. But how to explain to Edmund what she didn't understand herself?'

She turned to Buffy. "Can you help me? I am at my wit's end."

Buffy nodded. "I know. I find it hard to understand myself." she grimaced "you still make me uneasy, the two of you. I know that you are not that Victoria Collins, but still when I see you kissing Captain... Phillip, I get chills down my spine."

"I want my daddy!" Edmund insisted.

Buffy knelt down to him. "He is not here, not yet."

"You are one of them!"

"No, Edmund, I am not. Neither is Barnabas. Do you remember what I told you about going to the other side of the mirror?"

"Yeah, but that has nothing to do with this."

"We came through the mirror, where everything is changed. This Vicky is not the Victoria that your father warned you about. Neither is Phillip."

"What about you?"

"I am the same because I walked through the mirror. So did Barnabas. But the rest, they all changed. Phillip is a good man here. You can trust him. You can trust Vicky."

"What about Daddy?"

"He will be coming through he mirror soon."

"When?"

"Soon." Buffy lied.

* * *

"How's Edmund going?" Barnabas asked Phillip as he got up.

"He can be difficult. Vicky says that he reminds her of David."

Barnabas smiled. "Let's hope that he's not as bad as that. I love David dearly, but in his time he could be quite a trial."

"The trouble is that he remembers our counterparts. Buffy has the same problem, but she's coming along."

"How did she take the idea of being my housekeeper now that you and Vicky will be moving away and you'll be trying for a full-time career as a sax player?"

"I think that she likes the idea. Much better than going back to waitressing with hooking on the side, as she did once."

"She was not a hooker" Barnabas said calmly, then changed the subject "Have you found a place to stay?"

"We are looking, still."

"You don't want to stay here, in any case?" It was not truly a question. He already knew the answer to that. "I guess that it would be different if this place had modern conveniences."

"Why didn't you ever put them?"

"First I did not want to. Then I could not afford to. This place is a tax write-off for Liz, and since she's the one paying for David's college I let her have her way... Well, in any case, Vicky can still give Edmund lessons."

"If he can accept her, that is."

"With time, he will. Children adapt fast. Better than you or me."

"You are keeping Edmund, of course."

"Where else could he go?"

"You want to make it legal?"

"I was planning to."

"And yet there are some things you do not do. I talked to Megan who said that you need a character reference , and the best person to give it to you is Brant. But you will not talk to him."

"I will, I will..." he preferred not to talk about George, so he quickly changed the subject. "Iris left Collinsport quite mad at me, didn't she?"

"What did you expect? You didn't even ask about her. You were in too much of a hurry to get back to Roxanne."

"She didn't leave an address, a phone number?"

"She said that she was going to see if she could straighten up her sister, who was in trouble again. That's all."

Barnabas nodded. "I should have tried to explain it to her. But to see Roxanne again... to see the world she was forced to live in... I was never thankful for what I have here. I never appreciated what it meant not to have to worry about a knock on the door at four AM. I could not leave her behind _there_."

"But you had to."

"Yes. I can't understand how she could have made that decision. But for her, it made sense... maybe if I had stayed there long enough it would have made sense to me..." his voice trailed off into the distance.

* * *

Barnabas had put Edmund to be and watched him sleep. Too bad that he could not share the daylight hours with him. But he would make up for it.

The kid needed a father. And he... needed a child.

Edmund was headstrong, with that curious mixture of being both spoiled and neglected... just like David...

But with luck, Edmund would avoid David's pitfalls.

He stroked the hair of the sleeping boy. "I will take good care of you. I am not much of a father, but I am willing to learn."

Edmund wasn't actually his son... true. But still he was the nearest thing. And whatever his curse forbade him, it did not forbid him to give a home to this boy.

If only he could make it legal... If he could finagle it without a character reference from George... who probably did not want to give it to him, anyway...

"You will have to go to him."

Barnabas looked up to Dave in surprise, then stood protectively in front of Edmund.

"Don't be ridiculous" Dave said "I have no designs on the boy."

"You...you were homosexual"

"We did not call it 'gay' then"

Barnabas' eyes were filled with fear and fascination "You were George's lover."

'Yes."

"What did you two ...do?"

Dave laughed. "What straight men always want to know... don' t tell me that you do not have a good enough idea already. But I can give you full descriptions if you insist."

Barnabas flinched... "you...you..."

"You are turning some interesting color. Between green and purple... You well know that you have no right to reproach me for anything."

Barnabas nodded, not fully hearing. "And you looked at naked men in your office."

"And naked women. A doctor who makes a pass at a patient should be kicked out of the profession, and sexual preference has nothing to do with it."

"And you want George to have me.. The way you had him..."

"George wants you, and do not be too hurt, George if much more important to me than you are. I want him to be happy. I owe it to him. And if getting you in bed makes him happy, and I can help bring it about, why not? I do hope that you like it... But don't worry. He's got more scruples about rape than I do about pimping. I offered you to him last summer, when you begged me for Julia's life. You said that you'd do anything in exchange and I would have taken you at your word. But he said not, and that was the end of it. He's a good man. And if I may so, he's a good lover to have. You could not ask for someone better to lose your virginity to."

Barnabas looked away. "I have no virginity to lose."

"I was speaking of a specific virginity."

"So did I. I don't have it. I was raped."

Shaking, he told about Petofi and Aristide. How Petofi had held him prisoner, trying to extract from him the secret of time travel... what means he had used to get him to talk.

"I did not tell him. So, in spite of what they did... I won."

Dave's expression had changed. "Yes. As long as they did not get what they wanted, it did not matter what they did to you."

"I bet you find it amusing."

"I don't find rape amusing I am sorry I brought this up..."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

George's mouth curved bitterly as he wrote his report. He knew that he was at fault, too. He had pushed Barnabas too far. Barnabas didn't love him. He thought of it sickened him, actually. Only they friendship they shared had prevented him from hitting the ceiling.

Yet it hurt...

Why should it make a difference to him?

But it did. He always knew it made a difference. He had not kept in the closet out of a whim.

But it was one thing hiding from religious fanatics and their like. Not from his friends, not from Barnabas...

There was a beating of wings above him. He did not notice it. Barnabas had to clear his throat before George would lift his eyes to him.

"What do you want? George knew that he sounded sullen and could not help it.

"I've done some thinking."

"About me?"

"Yes." Barnabas smiled, self-deprecatingly "You know that I have to thinks things over. What I decide in a hurry usually turns up to be a disaster."

"And what have you decided?"

"I don't mind you... being what you are."

"That's generous of you."

"No, it isn't. You are a good friend. You have proved it again and again. I don't want to lose your friendship."

"But... there is a but, isn't there?"

"Yes. I can't say that it makes no difference. If it was your being... gay I could manage it. It is your wanting me that makes me uneasy. I spend a lot of time fending off advances from women. Do I have to worry about your advances, too? Can I reject them without offending you?"

"Just say that you are not interested."

"Will that be enough?"

George and Barnabas looked at each other. So much that was to be said. So much that would never be.

"No" George admitted. "I would always be hoping you changed your mind. trying to convince you to try at least once.

They kept looking at each other "It is a pity" Barnabas said. "I am sorry."

George looked away. Barnabas knew that he was about to cry. He wanted to touch him, comfort him, but he dared not.

Then he was ashamed of himself. Last year he had cried freely on George's shoulder... and what had let to it.

What George had forgiven him was ore than he could repay... could he do less now?

He held George.

"Don't worry" George said "I won't try anything"

"It is all right."

"It isn't going to be easy, for either of us. But we will be able to manage it."

* * *

Anselm Trask reluctantly accepted the cigarette that Megan offered him.

"One won't kill you. Rev." Megan said, while lighting it.

Anselm smiled shyly "About Mrs. Miller..."

"Sandy's not going back to her husband, not yet."

"Can't you talk to her."

"Yes, I can. Have you talked to her husband?"

"I tried to explain to him how she feels."

"And what did he say?"

"He's willing to be more tolerant."

"Tolerant, huh?" Megan said scornfully.

"Isn't that what Sandy wants?"

"Toleration isn't enough."

"What else does she want?"

"Some gratitude, for starters." Megan stabbed him with her finger. "At great risk to herself, she, with others like her, saved two children, this whole town, and very likely the whole world. Certainly she deserves better than a grudging tolerance."

Anselm did not mistake the bitterness in Megan's voice.

"You think that you yourself deserve better than that?"

"Yes. I do. Why shouldn't I?" I never hurt anyone. I have been of some help around here, and you cannot deny it. I shouldn't have to go around making excuses for myself. Yet, that's what I have to do... and I have no civil rights either. Derek was right about that one. Anybody who gets accused of anything gets a lawyer and habeas corpus, and trial by jury. But when Derek was suspected, unjustly as it turned out, he was put under house arrest, just like that. Wonderful, isn't it?"

"I can understand your being bitter."

"Don't interrupt me, Rev. I am bitter, yes. Well, take my bitterness, multiply by ten, and you'll get an idea as to how Sandy feels."

"I don't believe it."

"She bought the whole package, Rev. From the start. Do you remember the hard time she used to give me and Barnabas? I know that your weren't part of it. But she certainly was. She was at the looting of Willie's store. Even after Kira was exposed, she still kept at it, attacking me, Chris, and Barnabas. Then, disaster. Suddenly she was herself one of those creatures she hated and feared... Have you any idea of what it did to her? She was so shaken, so scared... Barnabas had to spend quite a long time just holding her hand. She cried herself to sleep every night. But then she was given a reason for it, a purpose. I won't forget her face when she released the children. Suddenly it had all been worth it. But after that she was treated the way she used to treated us. At best a grudging tolerance... well"

Megan paused, letting Anselm digest it, then continued

"She thought that she had been sold a bill of goods. Now she's hurt, betrayed by those she thought she could trust most. So she's angry. Angrier than you can realize."

"I don't think that you are the best one to get her over her bitterness."

"Quite direct, are you?" Megan smiled crookedly "No, I am not. But I am the only one she trusts now. She won't listen to anyone else."

"I'd still like to try."

"You are a glutton for punishment, aren't you?"

"You can say that" Anselm smiled self-deprecatingly "But then my religion emphasizes self-sacrifice to the point of martyrdom."

"And who am I to stand between a martyr and his fate? But don't expect too much."

"I won't. I just want to talk to her."

* * *

"Well, well" Julia smiled at him. "It seems that you are none the worse for your experience."

"Yes. I am back in one piece." Barnabas hugged her. "Did you miss me?"

"You bet I did." Julia said "You made sure of that."

"What do you mean by that?" Barnabas made himself comfortable on the sofa.

"You could have typed your notes. I had a wonderful type deciphering your writings. How was I supposed to take over your classes that way?"

"You mean that you taught desensitization training?"

"See what you force me to do?" Julia slapped him playfully "Made me teach B.F. Skinner."

"It isn't B.F. Skinner properly."

"Whatever" her expression became serious. " What were you trying to prove, anyway?"

"Prove?"

"That business of the shopping center."

"It worked, didn't it?" They now have put transportation, and the way George explained it to me, I helped a lot."

"And you could not have chosen a less spectacular way of doing it. How else could you play Russian roulette?"

"It wasn't Russian roulette." Barnabas protested feebly.

"You knew how Maggie would react. And if Maggie didn't, Xavier would. Or Redwolf. Or... or anyone else. You were lucky you did not get killed."

Barnabas rubbed his chin pensively "For a moment I thought that Sabrina would kill me. When I woke with her pointing her gun at me I thought that was it. But she couldn't. Not with George Brant looking over her shoulder. Thanks to him I am here now. Of course, I didn't feel very grateful then."

"They told me how they got you into Collinwood." Julia couldn't help giggling. "all trussed up. Well, if you ask me, you had been asking for it."

"Sabrina was right about one thing." Barnabas could not figure later how he had dared to speak the next words to Julia " She said that I was getting a better deal out of her than Dave had gotten out of me."

Julia stiffened.

"Sabrina knows it, Julia. So does Maggie. She tried to use it once to make me do what she wanted. I stopped her that timer reminding her of what would happen to Maggie if certain things came out. But I don't know what might happen in the future. You need to figure out a way to protect yourself."

Julia turned away from him, her face set in stone.

"No, Julia, don't do that. We have never spoken of it for too long... Long enough for you to try to kill yourself over it."

Julia shook her head.

"I still remember that time when I went to take you out of the sheriff's office. You were staring blankly ahead. I talked to you, but you didn't see me. You had shut me out completely." his voice became low and anguished. "You were singing 'Killing me softly'. I knew then what I had done to you."

"Barnabas..." it was a plea now.

He took her face in his hands. "Julia, we have to talk about it. I am not the best one for it, but there is no one else. For a while it mattered most that he forgave me. But now I understand that it is not enough. His forgiveness means nothing if you don't forgive me. And your forgiveness means nothing if you don't forgive yourself first... I don't care how much string I have to save again."

"Save string?"

"You remember about the string?" That was his price for his helping you out that time. I would have done anything he would have asked of me to keep you from hurting."

Softly he told her of the bargain he had struck, how he had made himself ready for the worst, only to be spared in a half contemptuous gesture.

"I saw him several times after that. I don't think that he is angry with me. I think that he is laughing at me. But there is no meanness in is laughter. We talked, him and I. I told him things that I never told anyone else... I don't know now to describe it, Julia... I like him."

Julia gritted her teeth and avoided looking at him, grimly silent, waiting until Barnabas stopped talking and moved away.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Will you come to the beach with us tomorrow?" Edmund asked Barnabas innocently.

"I can't"

"Not even if I ask you?"

"Not even... But Vicky will go with you."

"I don't like her."

"She's actually very nice."

"She is not. Daddy said she wasn't"

"This is not the same Vicky."

"Is she her twin sister?"

"Yes."

"And Phillip is the twin of Captain Todd?"

'Yes."

If Edmund wondered how two sets of twins, each twin sharing the same name with his or her sibling, could be produced at such a short notice, he didn't show it. Maybe it was that children's minds worked differently than those of adults.. The facts were the same, but the focus shifted.

He remembered how it had been the same with Sarah. A fond smile came upon him as he remembered. He had been so much older than her. That and his father's coldness had allowed him to become his little sister's father.

He wondered what sort of father he would make. He usually had a low opinion of himself on that matter. It was because of Adam. His behavior towards that helpless creature, born for his convenience, had not been precisely paternal. If Adam had turned out as well as he hade, it wasn't thanks to him.

But Adam had been such a special case. And he was not fully himself yet. Even Julia he did not trust fully yet. Eventually he had come to that and more... But it had been a long climb out of the pit where his mind lay trapped.

He wasn't mad anymore. Would probably not be again. There was no reason why he could not be a good father to Edmund.

* * *

Carolyn added the figures. Not that they needed adding, but at least they gave her something to do..

Tomorrow she would find another way to kill time... One day so much like the other... until she died...

For how much longer would she have to go on like this?

From upstairs she heard Roger, looking at the sky with binoculars. Dear Uncle Roger, He had found his answer. Look for flying saucers. Hunt for proofs of Nixon's innocence. It was madness, of courses, but it kept him happy.

As for her, what good did her sanity do for her? What was the sense in building up the Collins fortune? What for? So that Quentin inherited it? So that David could lay claim to it? So that Barnabas could finally be the master of Collinwood?

If only her child had lived... if they had let him be born... But now it was over. And they had fixed her, like a dog or cat. Barren. Wasted.

It made no sense leaving it to Roger. He would not outlive her. And even he did, he'd probably give it to David.

She did not care for anyone else. There was no one in the whole town that she did not despise.

Why go on working then...? But if she did not have the fortune to take care of, how else could she occupy her time?

* * *

Buffy felt uncomfortable walking the street. They all looked at her as if she was a freak.

The only good thing about it was that it helped her to save money. The salespeople acted so uncomfortable in her presence that it kept her from buying anything.

If only those people did not look so much like the ones she had left back there...

She saw Sergeant Haskell at a distance, and tensed up. But no, it was not Sergeant Haskell. He had no rank, here, and he was not the monster she had known.

Joe was talking with Tammy, laughing, when he saw Tammy stiffen up.

Tammy stared at Buffy expressionless. Had she been white, she would have been as pale as a sheet. As it was, most of her shock was registered in her eyes..

"Buffy..." she said "...you are alive."

"No, Tammy" Joe said softly, trying to reassure her. "she isn't the same Buffy. She's the one who came with Barnabas."

He tried to pull her away, to make her look in some other direction.

Buffy stood there, transfixed. Soon Haskell would twist brutally the black girl's arm behind her, throw her to the floor, and drag her away, as he did will all the niggers he caught. She had seen it too many times...

But he did nothing of the sort..

"Please, Miss Harrington." he looked at Buffy. "Could you leave? Don't take it personally. You resemble someone she knew, and who she saw murdered..."

Buffy nodded, and moved away, glad to be out of the reach of Haskell.

No, he was not the same one. Still, she'd rather keep away from him.

* * *

Elsa stood breathless at the door of the Old House.

"Can Edmund come out to play with me?" she asked Vicky.

"So you know his name already?"

"Sure, I know everything."

Shuddering when she thought of what Elsa would be like when she grew up, Vicky let Edmund go to her. Edmund needed friends his age, and the more he went out and had fun, the easier it would be for him to adjust.

* * *

Sandy arranged the patterns on the floor. There was something in their cut that she did not like.

"Anything wrong?" the Indian girl behind her asked.

"I am trying to figure what it is." She got up, still unhappy.

The girl looked down. It irritated Sandy. She knew that the girl was not avoiding her.. In fact, she was being polite, the way she had been taught by her elders. For her, to look at Sandy, her employer and teacher, would have been insolence.

Yet, for Sandy, who had seen too many people avoid her eyes, that behavior cut her irrationally... If it was the Indian girl alone, she would have accepted it. But it wasn't

She was a werewolf. Every full moon she changed. Just like Chris Jennings.

She was able to control herself, just like Chris did. She hurt no one... If it had not been for her that night, those things from under the earth would have gotten loose. She closed her fist angrily, thinking about it. Had it not been for her and Chris they would all be dead, now.

She didn't expect gratitude. But she didn't like being treated like an ex-con either!

* * *

Derek studied the chart. The ship was there. The only question now was how to get at it.

"Still hoping for the czar's wealth?" Delia asked with gentle mockery.

"It is all there." Derek insisted, emphatically.

"Why not give it up? They all know how you make a living around here. No one will invest money on anything you plan.

She was right. She had that annoying habit of being right. He looked at her.

"Tell me, why did I move in with you?"

"Free rent?"

He acknowledged it. "And why did you take me in?"

"Because... because you did not mind certain things."

"I know. But you are not doing it anymore."

Delia blanched "So you want to call it quits?"

"I am trying to find a good reason not to."

"Like the money for the scuba-diving expedition to find that ship? You know that I don't have it. And if I did, I'd be crazy to let you have it."

"I don't want that."

"So what do you want?"

"I don't know. But there has to be more to this that what we got."

"It is not enough?"

"No. it isn't"

"Do you want me to go back to the whip and chains?"

* * *

"You had a phone call today" Buffy told Barnabas. "From the VD clinic."

"The VD clinic?"

"They want you to go there and get tested." Buffy could not repress a giggle. "seems you got a dose."

"That's impossible" Barnabas said calmly.

"Well, Dr. King was very insistent."

"He is wrong."

"She. It is Doctor Jessica King."

Buffy gave Barnabas the phone number and he stared at it numbly. "It must be a mix-up in their files or something."

"Maybe it is really you."

"It can't be me. I can't get VD nor other sickness. Not in my state."

"Well, don't tell me. Tell Dr. King."

"I think I will." he laid down the phone number and made as if to leave, but turned as he was near the door.

"How are things for you?" he asked "is it still hard?"

"It is getting better. I have no trouble now accepting Phillip and Vicky. I am helping Edmund accept them."

Barnabas' face softened. "I know you are."

"That girl, Elsa Quarles, she took him out to play. I didn't know if that was all right, but Vicky said it was."

"Yes. It was a good idea. he had been shut up inside too long. Maybe you could take him to the beach yourself, when Elsa does not come."

"That sounds like a good idea. I'd like to lie down on the beach."

There was something about her that still made him uneasy. "Is there anything wrong?"

"Yes. I was out and I saw Haskell, with that nigger girl." she saw Barnabas' frown and corrected herself. "I am sorry. Everyone called them that back there..."

"You better get out of the habit soon. It might get you into trouble."

"Well, anyway, she starts looking at me like I was, God knows what...

"Buffy Duncan. Your counterpart. Tammy knew that other Buffy and saw her being murdered. Seeing you brought back all those memories."

"But I had nothing to do with that..."

"I know. But it is with her the same way it is with you and Phillip and Vicky. You'll have to be patient."

"There is little else to do, isn't it?" she shrugged "it is a bitch, though."

"Yes. it is." Barnabas smiled philosophically "but there is nothing to be done about it."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Dr. Anderson?" Barnabas entered, somewhat shyly, into Kenneth's office. "I need your... professional services."

Kenneth studied him flabbergasted. What could Barnabas need him for? The only problem for which he might seek help was Julia's exclusively.

"Are you putting me on?" he asked.

"No. I am nt. I got called by the VD clinic and asked to take a Wasserman test."

"You mean you got syphilis?

"I haven't got it. I can't get it. But the people at the clinic seem to think I do. I want your help in setting them straight."

Kenneth pursed his lips studying Barnabas critically "I will have to run tests on you."

"But I told you I can't get it.":

"But you could still transmit it, either genitally or... or doing what you usually do. Unless I can be certain of that, I won't give you a bill of clean health."

Barnabas started to protests, but thought better of it. Kenneth had a point.

"Give me the names of all the women you had sex with for the last year."

Barnabas blushed slightly "Iris White. Amy Jennings, once. Megan Graham, a couple of times."

"Megan Graham. She could be passing it to every man around. Anybody else?"

"No" There was Vicky, but she had had to have the test for the marriage license and it had come out negative, so there was no point in embarrassing her.

"Oriana Falchi? Angelique Rumsen?"

No. and No. That's the truth."

"All right, Now all the ones you took blood from."

"But it is VD we are talking about.:

"I told you. I am not taking any chances."

Barnabas gave in. It was a much longer list this time.

"Or course, you realize that with so many names, quite a few could have caught it the customary way." Barnabas said tentatively. "I don't always know their private lives and..."

"I'll take that into account. Of course, if most of them do have it, that explanation won't wash. But two or three will not make a difference. I am also going to need a saliva sample. And one of seminal fluid."

"I...I guess I'll have to." Barnabas said miserably.

Kenneth's face became sympathetic again. "Why didn't you go to Julia? It probably would be less embarrassing for you."

"It... it seemed inappropriate. You see, that's not the kind of problem that I want to talk about with...with a woman."

Kenneth smiled indulgently. As Julia said, Barnabas had quite a lot of hang-ups. He looked at the short list again.

"According to this you were strictly faithful to Mrs. White except for lapses with Amy Jennings and Megan Graham. Are you sure that there was no none else?"

Under the quiet scrutiny of Kenneth's eyes Barnabas could not lie. "There was Maggie too. But that was a while ago. If she got it and was treated for it, you won't find a way to make her tell you that. All you'd get is a visit from Sabrina Jennings."

"Yes. Might as well consider it a dead end. Then Mrs. White is out somewhere in Colorado, with her sister and it make take time to track her down."

"It is my fault. I made her angry enough to leave."

"If you went to bed now with someone else, and she got it, then we'd know for sure."

"I would not go that."

"Of course not. And then, if, as you said, you had so few partners, how did they get your name? The only way they would was if a former partner gave them your name. Do you think that Mrs. White could have done it?"

"No, she wouldn't"

"Then we have to figure out what happened. Now I need your samples."

* * *

Willie carried the breakfast up to Louella's bed.

"Willie" she protested "you shouldn't!"

"Hush. You know you need it."

"I am not an invalid that I have to be cared for this way.

"No. But you have to take care of yourself." he patted he affectionately in the belly. "It certainly keeps growing. Have any idea what we'll call it?"

"William if it is a boy, of course. Louisa if it is a girl."

Willie made a face. "Too trite. Make it Louis if it is a boy, and Wilhelmina if it is a girl."

* * *

Vicky looked radiant. It was her second marriage, but that first one had been brief, ending in tragedy. She was older now and she had been wounded. So had the groom. But it wasn't the scars that showed in them now.

Barnabas looked at both. They had talked the justice of the peace into performing the ceremony at night so that Barnabas was able to attend. Vicky had insisted on it. She had no other family, and while she had lost interest in who her real parents were, she still wanted to belong somewhere.

It was strange to feel paternal about Vicky. When he thought of how it was at first... Well, that was over, and none too soon. He would have had nothing to offer Vicky but pain. That had been a long time ago, and he had trouble remembering that he was indeed the same one who had chased so desperately after Vicky...

He wondered about Peter Bradford/Jeff Clark. That had been a quiet wedding too. And Vicky seemed so happy.

"Please, let it work out this time" he said under his breath "Those two have had too much tragedy already."

Phillip seemed somehow to sense this as his arm clung protectively around Vicky. Somehow, after all that had happened to them, it didn't seem possible that their bad luck would run out... Bad luck that had begun with a breathing box...

Lord, all that had happened since then... Barnabas wondered how anyone could accumulate so much bad luck. And Vicky too...

Willie and Louella stood back. Louella had joked about pregnancy at a wedding. It didn't show yet, so the joke was wasted. And the joke was only good if the bride was the pregnant one...

Willie hoped that those two had a less stormy marriage than his own. Well, at least he had talked Barnabas out of giving Vicky jewelry as a wedding present. Electric appliances, towels, sheets, those things newlyweds need, not antique jewelry...

Jewelry... that was how it all started, wasn't it? It had been jewels that he had been looking for then...

Phillip took Vicky's hand, slipped the ring on her finger, and kissed her.

* * *

Roger went out alone. he watched the sea, feeling calmer as the waves kept advancing and receding. The wet sand squished under his feet and he found the sound sort of reassuring.

He had always loved the beach. Ever since he was a little boy and his mother brought him here to play.

It had been so long ago. How many years? He was afraid to count. He had less and less time left, and nothing to show for it.

All his dreams, all the promises he had made to himself... He remembered the nights he had spent after he had been wounded in the War. How he had sworn to make something of himself if he pulled through...

But then he had married, and... and Laura. Yes, Laura had betrayed him. But he had also used her as an excuse to sink down to the point of framing Burke Devlin.

And is son... for David _was_ his son. And he had lost him. He had tried to get closer to him, but it was too late by then. David would not accept him as a father. He had Barnabas instead.

If David was going to college, if he was finally making something of himself, it was because Barnabas had cared.

Which was the worse? Believing that David was a bastard, not his son, or knowing that he was his, and that he had driven him away to Barnabas' care?'

Buffy was up on the rocks, reading. Edmund was playing in the sand, trying to build a sand castle when Roger came by.

He looked at them. A woman, reading up on the rocks. A young boy...

A young boy playing on the beach. As he had played...as David had played.

He moved closer to the boy.

"It's quite big" he said.

"I am going to make it bigger."

Roger sat down on the sand "Mind if I watch?"

"No."

Roger recognized the boy's tone of voice. Not just alone. Lonely.

"Do you come here often?" he asked gently.

"Today's the first time. They say that I can keep coming." Edmund's voice had a strong undertone of rancor. He didn't go out much. And always the lessons with Vicky...

"Do you go into town?"

"They don't let me." Edmund said sullenly "I can't go to the movies. I can't go anywhere..."

"Maybe if I asked your father."

"My father's away."

"Is he? Who is taking care of you?"

"Barnabas Collins."

Buffy looked up from her book. "Edmund, it is getting late." she said "we have to go back."

"I don't want to!" I want to stay here!"

"You can come tomorrow, can't you?"

Roger looked at her. "Come on, miss. Five more minutes won't hurt."

Buffy grumbled. "All right. Just a bit longer, and that's it."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Buffy was trying to rub sunburn ointment on her back and shoulders when Barnabas appeared at the door.

"What happened to you?" he said, shocked at the red color of the skin.

"I got careless. It was cool and breezy, so I didn't think that the sun would burn much."

"That's when it's most dangerous."

"You can say that again." Buffy was irritated about having been foolish and having to admit it.

"Do you want help with your back?"

"If you want to." she gave him the jar and turned her back on him. He began rubbing the ointment in.

"You better keep yourself covered tomorrow and the next days."

"I will." It felt good, the cooling sensation in her back. She asked mischievously "Do you do this often with your... victims?"

"They usually have better sense than to stay so long in the sun. And anyway, you hardly qualify. I didn't go to you that often.

"You came to me often enough in 1970."

"Yes. But this time it was only a couple of times. Then Dr. Blair took care of me. And since we got here, not even once."

Buffy shrugged.

"What is it that you object most to?" Barnabas asked shrewdly "What I am and what I had to do to you in the past, or just that you are in a strange place without a friend, without anyone you know?"

"The second, of course. Still... still the other bothers me a bit... and it isn't you so much as John Yeager."

"You still think of him?"

"He treated me like dirt." Buffy said furiously "Not that others were...considerate, but he humiliated me systematically. And I let him do it to me. I don't know why."

Barnabas continued rubbing, listening patiently to her.

"And then I met you. No, you weren't anything like him. Still you used me. You could be different from him, but you still used me."

"Yes, I see. You had just decided to stop being a victim, and then I come along and... show you that it isn't over yet."

"It left a bad taste in my mouth." she confessed.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. In fact, I was finally getting it together. I had finally recognized that that I had a need to manage, not pretend that it wasn't there until I could hold out no longer. You fainted for a few seconds, but then you were back on your feet. You were not terrorized, nor shocked, nor disoriented, nor anything. I could do it with a minimum of damage at last. Then with Roxanne I learned that I could do it and not feel dirty inside. I will always be grateful to her for that. But I owe you just as much."

He realized that his voice trembled and that he felt an uncontrollable urge to hug Buffy and manage to have both of them crying on each other's shoulder, more or less. He controlled himself. With that kind of sunburn, Buffy would not accept any touch, no matter how affectionate.

"You are getting mushy" she pointed out.

"Yes. I do. A weakness of mine." he pulled back. "well, I think that your back won't give you any more trouble."

* * *

"I want to go out!" Edmund said.

"Not until you finish your lesson" Vicky tried to sound reasonable.

Edmund pouted and Vicky didn't blame him. He was just a small boy, and he wanted to play.

And Barnabas was trying, subtly and unsubtly, to keep him inside most of the time. Had even kept her coming after her marriage to keep Edmund occupied with lessons.

It reminded her somehow of Roger and David, but with the difference that Barnabas was openly affectionate with the Edmund. No, it was something different...

It was that Barnabas was afraid. Afraid that if he allowed Edmund to roam free he would lose him.

And indeed he might. There was no telling what Edmund might hear in town that would turn him against Barnabas... there were things that children did not understand...

"You are not like Roxanne at all! You are mean!" Edmund said.

"That's not true and you know it."

Buffy came in. "Now, Edmund, don't give Vicky a hard time or I'll tell you how you behaved with Roxanne. But if you do what she says I'll take you to the beach later."

Break

"I am glad you decided to see me." Anselm said to Sandy.

"Well, I wondered what you would say." Sandy didn't stop pacing as she talked.

"Why don't you sit down with me?"

"I am fine this way."

"I saw Cindy yesterday."

"How's she?" Sandy asked impulsively.

"She misses you. Both your children do."

"I miss them too." she looked down, then straightened up "It won't work. I am not going back."

"Do you like living by yourself?"

"I have friends."

"You have old friends that you left."

"They left me, not the other way around."

"You are very angry..."

"How did you notice?" Sandy's voice was full of sarcasm.

"But who are you really angry with?" Us or yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

"I agree that you got a raw deal from us. But we didn't do anything that you hadn't done before to Barnabas, Chris, or Megan."

Sandy went white and did not answer.

"I still remember that time when you came to my office furious because I had asked Barnabas to give a few talks."

"So? I was wrong about that. But only because I believed what I had been told."

"Sandy, you were so sure of yourself that I could hardly get a word in edgewise. You were absolutely certain that you were in the right and I was in the wrong. You have changed your beliefs, but not the way you go about fighting for them. You are still absolutely certain."

"So?" Sandy shrugged, indicating that the matter was closed as far as she was concerned.

* * *

Edmund was crying silently.

"Anything wrong?" Barnabas bent over him, stroking his forehead.

"Daddy's not coming..."

Barnabas nodded "He won't come, Edmund." he gulped before speaking again. "He's dead."

"No! He isn't" First the scream, then the sobs, the questions coming together. "How? Why? Did Haskell do it?"

"Haskell never touched him" It chilled him how quickly children had to grow up in Roxanne's world, how they had to deal with horrors that adults had trouble understanding. "he died fighting."

"And Roxanne?"

"She's all right." he would not acknowledge all his worries about her, about all that could happen to her.

* * *

"Where is that report I asked you for?" Megan asked Tammy.

Tammy rummaged through her desk "I have it here. I just need to type it clean."

"Good. Do it. Remember that no job is finished until the paperwork is done. Sad but true. You did a good job there, but unless it is typed and filed, no one will know it."

Tammy put a sheet on the typewriter and began pounding on the keys. "She was a slave" she muttered under her breath "he used her, nothing else."

Megan studied her. "Still deciding whether to tell Barnabas or not?"

"I don't know why I should. I bet that he didn't even bother to learn her name. He used her and forgot that she existed."

Megan stared at her. "You can't forgive him..."

"It has nothing to do with forgiveness. It is just that he has no claim on me whatsoever."

"Nobody said he did."

"But if that's the case, what's the point of my telling him about it? Why should he be given a family all of a sudden?"

"I would not describe you as a loving family to anyone."

"He's not my family. Never was. Never cared to be."

"All right. Then leave things as they are. Just stop mulling about it at work."

"Joe keeps asking me to tell him" Tammy continued.

"He does?"

"But then, you have to expect it. He can't see it the way I do. How can he? He's white."

"Should I send Reverend Trask to talk about it?"

"What good would it do?"

"It would take his mind off Sandy. Leave her alone to sort out her feelings. I agree with him, but he's doing it the wrong way."

"You want Sandy to leave us?"

"I already got a part-time police dog. And I don't have the inclination to hold her hand when she is in the dumps. I think that she would be happier back with her kids. But try telling her that."

* * *

Edmund finally slept, his fists closed. Barnabas watched him silently... Memories of another sleeping child came to him. Sarah... Sarah had looked just like that when she slept.

He remembered Joshua getting angry with Sarah because she would not obey him as he wanted... as if the child could be faulted for resisting an arbitrary authority like Joshua's. It was Joshua's fault, but Sarah was the one punished.

He recognized where his thoughts came from. After all those years, he still resented his father. He still could not forgive him for his treatment of his wife and children.

What father would condemn his son to the torture he had endured in that locked coffin?... No, it was unnatural. Joshua had been incapable of love. He only wanted to be obeyed.

And he was Joshua's son. Probably no more fit to be a father than Joshua had been.

Yet...yet, as he told himself countless times, who else would take care of Edmund? Quentin had trusted Edmund to him. Quentin had looked straight at him and said "Take care of my son."

He touched Edmund's fists, opened them. Edmund stirred, but not much. He continued sleeping. Barnabas bent down and kissed Edmund's forehead. He would not repeat Joshua's mistakes, nor Roger's. Never.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"And this one I caught at low tide" Elsa displayed her collection proudly to Edmund, as she was visiting him at the Old House. "It is a rare find."

"Wow! Edmund's eyes were shining with the excitement. I wish I could go shell collecting myself," he said, pouting.

"All you have to do is go to the beach. Do you go there?"

"A bit. Not long enough. They don't want me to stay there long.

"Why don't you ask Barnabas?"

"He doesn't want me to."

"I'll ask him. He always gives in to me. He's my special friend."

Barnabas listened to them and felt uneasy. Was he right in confining Edmund as he was doing? Keeping him inside, except for short trips out, and a few hours at the beach, always under Buffy's supervision?

What was he afraid of? Why couldn't he allow Edmund more freedom?

And Edmund seemed to enjoy Sarah's company so much...

Sarah? No. Elsa. What made him think of Sarah? That old fancy of his that Elsa was Sarah, reborn?... there was no reason to think that. Except that Sarah's parting words still stung him. She would not see him until he had learned how to be good.. He had certainly learned it by now, yet Sarah had not come back to him.

Sarah had been company for the lonely David, just as Elsa was befriending Edmund now.

"Barnabas!" Elsa said to him. "Edmund wants to start a collection like mine, but he says that he has to stay inside all the time, studying and all that."

Barnabas bent down to Elsa's level "Well, he can go out and hunt for shells from now on."

* * *

God, what a mess this place had become... Louella sighed noisily - how had Willie and herself allowed so much dirt to accumulate? It was lucky that customers never looked in here, or they might decide to take their business elsewhere.

She climbed up on a ladder and began cleaning the worst of it, then stopped, puzzled.

"Willie, what are these things?"

"What things?"

"The ones up here. They look like radios, at least some of them. If no one's claiming them, shouldn't you get rid of them somehow?"

"What radios you mean? Not the ones in the top shelf?"

"Yes. The same ones.'

Willie ran to her. "You should not be going up ladders. Get down."

"Willie, stop acting up."

"Baby, what if you got dizzy suddenly? You should be careful in your condition."

"Willie, don't exaggerate. "Louella was irritated now. "You heard what the doctor said. I can do this.

"Please, baby, come down." Willie pleaded "I promise you that I'll clean that myself. Just come down."

* * *

Roger felt proud displaying his 'treasures' to Edmund. They had meant much to him when he was a kid. And Edmund's delight was as unmixed as his had been.

Then Edmund showed him the shells that he had collected "I am supposed to get these" he explained " I can stay out longer if I get them."

"Then maybe I can get you some."

"Oh, yes. Then we will have more time to play."

Roger picked up the old toy. The paint was chipped off and its spring was broken, but it still held its charm.

"You can have it." Roger said.

"Really?" he paused "Wait until I show this to Elsa!"

"Elsa?" Roger felt a pang of jealousy at the name."

"She's just a girl." Edmund explained "but he's my friend and she was the one who convinced Barnabas to let me stay out this long."

"But she's not so much fun as I am?"

* * *

Chris had already treated himself to some of Barnabas' liquor when this one showed up.

"Chris?" he asked, disturbed by the evidence that Chris had been drinking for a while.

"I had to see you. I wanted to ask you something."

"It must disturb you a great deal" Barnabas said, looking at the half empty glass in Chris's hand.

"Leave it." Chris shrugged "Amy wants to go to college."

"That seems to be an excellent idea."

"To what campus is David going?"

"Orono."

"Well, then I'll tell Amy to go to any other campus. Look, I am sorry, but I think that he's done enough harm to her already. I don't want him to do any more of it."

Barnabas nodded. "I understand... Will you need my help?"

"She's taking a government loan. Oh, well, I'll be going."

"Wait." Barnabas caught him "how are you getting back?"

"I have my car..."

"You are not driving. Not after the way you have been drinking."

"It wasn't much..." Chris tried to protest.

"One drink is all it takes." he caught Chris and forced him to look into his eyes. The rest was easy.

He lifted his head again. "Now, I am going to drive you home."

"You have alcohol in your system now." Chris pointed out. "you got it with my blood."

"That amount I can handle. Give me your keys."

He drove Chris back and put him to bed. "And I'd better not catch you trying to drive under the influence again."

"You goddamn busybody" Chris grumbled.

"Alcohol and gasoline don't mix." he sat on the bed "Chris, this is more than you worrying about David. What is it?"

"Let's say that I have been thinking about Tom again. How come I was spared, and he was not... it could have easily been the other way."

"If I had succeeded in 1897 you'd both have been spared."

"You could not succeed in 1897. Somebody needed a werewolf in this generation, so that was it. They delayed you until Petofi came."

"And Carl paid for it... Maybe even Dirk and Pansy, and Rachel... All that served to slow me down... And Pansy's murder by Dirk set Carl on me..." Barnabas' voice became painful.. "It is not Tom, it is Amy, isn't it? You don't want her to go to college."

"But I do."

"You are upset over her going."

"I got upset over her ending in the same campus with David, that's all! You know what he did to her! Do you think I want her hooked again? I know. You swear that he's clean now, but still I don't trust him."

"It is not David, either. It is about her leaving you."

"Well, I can't ask her to sacrifice her future to help me raise chickens."

"It hurts, doesn't it? When your children leave you?"

"My child? Amy's my sister."

"You are for all practical purposes her father, and the difference in age makes it easier. Just as I was, in a way, Sarah's father. Tell me, do you regret now that vasectomy?"

"No. It was the right thing to do. I couldn't put anybody through the childhood I had... the childhood that Tom had. If Tom had only had a normal childhood..."

"But you still wish you had a child of your own? I know that I do. I've had Sarah. I've had Willie, in a way. I've had David. Why don't you adopt a child?"

"Adopt?"

"Just as I am going to adopt Edmund."

"It isn't easy to adopt these days. There are not enough babies."

"Then adopt an older child. Those are hard to place. Maybe an interracial child. Or a handicapped one."

"But why do it?"

"First to give a kid a home. And second, so that you can get off Amy's back."

Chris protested a bit more, not out of conviction, but out of his needs to shoot off at the mouth. Barnabas was patient about it, and only when it was clear that Chris was falling asleep did he leave.

* * *

"Dr. King?" Kenneth asked.

"Yes, that's me" the man at the other end of the phone said.

"Dr. Jessica King?"

"No. Zeb King" the man laughed "Jessica's my wife. I'll give you to her."

Kenneth waited and a few seconds later he got the right Dr. King.

"Yes, Dr. Anderson. you said you ran those tests on Barnabas Collins"

"He's clean. And he claims to have had relations with at most three women."

"Then he's lying. I have lost count of all the women who have named him as their sexual contact."

"Sexual contact? Not any other kind?"

"Sexual contact. Or do you think that you can get VD from chatting with someone on the street? No, your man is a VD epidemic all by himself. You better talk sense into him."

"But I told you, he's clean."

When Kenneth hung up he saw Julia looking at him with curiosity. "That was the VD clinic."

"A patient of yours?"

"And yours. It is Barnabas they are after."

"Barnabas? But he can't..."

"I know that, you know that, and Barnabas knows that. But Dr. Jessica King evidently doesn't."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"I don't understand" Barnabas protested. "Why would Dr. King say that of me?"

"She considers you to be a one-man epidemic. She would not believe me when I said you were clean."

"They must have the worst organized filing system in the whole world."

"I think that it is more likely that someone is sleeping around and giving your name to his bed partners. After all, you don't have to show your IDs for sex."

"But who?"

"We could ask Dr. King to have a description, and maybe a composite portrait from her patients. I don't know how long it would take me to convince her of it."

"I could ask George to lend us his police artist. After all, we are stopping an epidemic. " Barnabas grimaced "and I don't like my name being used to spread germs around."

* * *

Carolyn studied Roger, an amused smile in her face "Are you going to meet your new friend again?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Who is she?"

"He. Edmund."

"You mean the kid that Barnabas brought back from Parallel Time?"

"Yes... he's a great kid."

"Evidently he is. Do you want to bring him here?" her voice grew wistful "It's been awhile since we had children here."

"I don't think that Barnabas would let him."

Roger became silent again. Carolyn knew what he was thinking. It was David. She had heard Roger complain about what a lousy father he had been, how Barnabas had stolen David away...

Then the mention came "I remember when David was his age."

Carolyn winced. Not just because David was one of the subjects she avoided, but because soon would change his will again, making David the principal heir. His disinheriting him would not last forever.

But this kid Edmund could help. If Roger was busy with him, he would not think of David so much.

Too bad that the kid was with Barnabas...

"What do you know of the kid?"

"He is from Parallel Time. His father there was Quentin Collins."

"Quentin?":

"Not ours. But you can see the resemblance."

"Quentin?' Carolyn repeated.

* * *

"I got more shells for my collection" Elsa said proudly "you like them?"

"Yes. They are nice."

"Nice? How did you do?"

Edmund showed her.

"Only that?"

"Well, I only started... but I got something else to show you."

"Show me what?"

Eagerly, Edmund showed her Roger's old toy.

"This old thing?" Elsa said scornfully. "only that?"

"I got this from a friend."

Barnabas tensed up, recognizing the toy, realizing who had give in to Edmund.

* * *

"Did you have a talk with the Reverend?" Megan asked Sandy.

"Yes. Didn't do him a bit of good, though."

Megan said nothing for a while. There was too much bitterness in Sandy and it had to come out. Still she wished it came out before long. She did not have Barnabas' capacity for letting people cry on her shoulder.

"He had the nerve to say that I was angry with myself!"

Megan tactfully said nothing. Trask was right, and that was unforgivable in Sandy's eyes.

"He said that I had not forgiven myself for taking part in that riot, and the rest of it."

"Well, have you?"

"Are you on his side.?"

"No, kid. But I want to stop him from moping in my office. And I have to stop you doing the same.. And I got to stop Tammy, too. I got nothing but mopers around me."

"Trask is wrong. He doesn't know the first thing about me or you. He doesn't know anything.!"

"Of course, he doesn't" a year ago Sandy had spoken in the same tones. but then she was speaking against Barnabas or Megan herself.

"That settles it!" Sandy's jaw was set "I don't want to discuss him or anything!"

Megan wondered how much Sandy missed her children. She did, certainly. But she would never admit it aloud.

Sandy was a born fanatic. Given her inclinations, it was better that she threw in her lot with Megan than with the first half-baked political or religious movement that came her way. She would have made a first rate Communist or Nazi, in different circumstances. Instead, she was just a part-time police dog for a vampire.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me that Roger Collins had been with Edmund all this time?" Barnabas asked, anger mounting in him..

Buffy backed up. Barnabas had not threatened her outright. Still she knew a fear she had never felt before.

"I did not think that there was no harm in that.." she said.

He knew that she was scared. he knew that he was about to loses control of his temper again.

With an effort, he made himself calm down.

"I am sorry. I did not know that Roger Collins was... one of those" there was no mistaking the implication.

"Roger is not that." Barnabas managed to say calmly "He's no pervert. Edmund is in no danger from him."

"So, why are you worried?"

"Because...because..."

Barnabas realized that he could not put his fear into words. He could not put his finger to it... Roger would steal Edmund from him if he had the chance, to make up for David... and suppose he found a way...

* * *

"Tell me, Doctor. Is anything wrong with me?'

Julia bit her lip. Anything wrong with Derek Pearce? She had an answer too ready for that.

"Can you be more specific as to what is worrying you?"

"It is me...and Delia."

Julia studied him. "You have problems, still?"

"Still?" Derek grimaced "You didn't have any until you decided to meddle."

"Delia came to me of her own free will."

"I know. Forgive me. Probably it isn't even that. I probably started with what Blair did to me. What he made me do to Roger, Carolyn, Dr. Taft... and it could have been worse. I spared Roger the worst of it, and made Taft forget about it. But I could not forget it. And then I knew what Phillip was going through here, in Wyncliffe. I could feel it inside me. I knew each time he screamed, and I knew why he screamed. If Blair had not taught me how to close my mind to the worst of it, I'd probably be in a padded cell myself."

"That wasn't your doing. It was not your choice."

"I know. And I know how easy it was for them to get around me. I should have been stronger."

"With time you'll be."

"And I have plenty of time." she shifted uneasily in his seat "I imagine that I will outlive you, Doctor. I'll probably see Willie's child die of old age... I might well live forever. And to think of it depresses me."

"Well, human beings are not supposed to last that long, and deep down we know it. And you are quite human in that respect."

"But I can't..." his face brightened for a moment. "Well, I guess I can always take the long swim to China. Or play different versions of Russian roulette, like Barnabas."

Those words shook Julia. Yes, that was what Barnabas was doing. he had said that much, that he would not ever stand over Willie's grave. Nor hers.

"I wish I could tell you that I have a cure, but the one I gave Barnabas was highly specific for him. With you, I would have to do a lot of adjustments and research."

"I don't know... anyway, I would not want a cure now. There is some opportunity for me to make money for...for my project, and I need to be as I am for it to work ."

Julia smiled "You better not tell me more about this. I suspect that it is not too legal."

"Not too illegal." He looked straight at Julia "By the way you think I am a pervert?"

"A pervert?"

"You know what Delia and I did?"

"Yes."

"You are not shocked by it?"

"At this stage I am shock proof."

Derek shook his head "Still, it isn't normal."

"But you are not doing it now."

"That's the worst. I miss it... I miss how easy things were with Delia and me. Now, she has changed."

"She interrupted therapy too early." Julia sighed. "maybe you can convince her to come back."

* * *

The knock at the door came quite late. Too late for Buffy to be the one answering it.

The woman was a total stranger. "Mr. Barnabas Collins?" she asked.

"Yes. That is me."

"I am Dr. Jessica King " she extended her hand. "and now that I have seen you I want to apologize. You do not look at all like the description we got from our patients."

"Well, you couldn't know. " He took her hand and kissed it. She was an attractive woman. With a wedding ring...

He'd better ignore how attractive she was then. And also the beating at her throat. She was out of town, and he knew what the Chamber of Commerce threatened if he ever touched a tourist."

"You found out who has been using my name?" He led her in, and brought her a sherry. How had she known that he was up that late? She probably had asked around..."

" I got his face. Maybe you can help me give me a name."

"Let me see it."

She gave it to him.

"Quentin!" he said.

"So you know him."

"This is my cousin, Quentin Collins. A regular tomcat. Don't worry. I'll make sure he goes to your clinic. That is, after I have a long, long talk with him."

"Please, don't get violent" Jessica laughed. "We need him to give us the complete list of his contacts."

"That will take a long time to finish, if I know my cousin."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Georgie."

George Brant lifted his head, smiling good naturedly "So am I again in need of advice?'

"Of course" Dave laughed without malice "I want to tell you not to give up on Barnabas."

"I have his friendship and that is enough. Should be enough."

"He is hungry for what you have to offer him, even if he's not aware of it yet. And he's afraid. Do you know that he's a rape victim? In 1897, by one Petofi and his boy toy, Aristide. Can you imagine what it must have cost him to deal with Phillip's assault by Tom Jennings? But deal with it he did. He's either very brave or very foolish."

"Something you share with him..."

"Yes. With him you'll have to wait for the right moment, and once the opportunity comes, seize it. But be very gentle, for the first time might be the last. If you hurt or scare him, he might freak out, and he can be very destructive when he freaks out."

"But why do you want me to have him?"

"Because he's what you need. How many virgins have you had?"

"Virgins?"

"Zero, right? How many of your partners were less experienced than yourself? Again zero. You just keep going to me older than yourself, hoping that they will be me. And it doesn't work. You can't get me back. You shouldn't try."

'I haven't..."

"Never mind. You won't be able to do that with Barnabas. You will have to be the older one, the experienced one. You'll have to make him forget his assault, and accept your love. And you can't do that as long as you remain my boy. But as your own man you can do it. He is what you need. And, while he does not accept it yet. you are what he needs."

* * *

"Quentin" Barnabas tried to control his temper "I want you to give me one reason, just one good reason why I shouldn't throw you down the stairs."

"Why all the fuss? I did not know that I had a dose."

"What about your using my name for your... escapades"

"I didn't think you'd mind."

"Well, I mind a lot. I don't like the idea of the VD clinic hunting me. And using my name to become a one man epidemic, making all those women sick."

"Sicker than what they are after you visit them? Sicker than you made Charity? Or Beth?"

"It wasn't me who caused Beth's death."

"That was an accident" Quentin paled "and you know it."

"Was Jenny an accident?"

"Was Carl an accident?" Quentin shot angrily.

Barnabas looked at him coldly "You have no right to reproach me for that. You of all people."

"You were the one who killed him."

Barnabas did not answer. He knew what the whole story was, how it had been arranged so that she lost time until Petofi could get there and make sure that the werewolf curse could come down to Chris, who would be needed in 1980 to stop the Leviathan. But he would not explain it. There was no way to keep such an explanation from being self-serving.

"We'll split the blame for that one " he said, finally.

"How generous of you!" Quentin said with scorn.

"How old are you, Quentin?"

"Why do you care?"

"How did you manage not to grow up? How come you are still an arrested adolescent.?"

"I can't grow up!" Quentin spat out "What do you think Petofi's portrait is all about? It will do all the changing for me. It will grow old for me. It will get sick and weak for me. And it will grow up for me."

Barnabas realized that it was true, and was filled with horror "You mean..."

"I am frozen in time, Barnabas. Perfectly preserved, like a fly in amber Trapped like a fly in amber."

"Quentin..." Barnabas tried to speak.

"You pity me." Quentin said bitterly "I wish I could tell you to save your pity. But damn it, I want it. I need some pity that isn't my own... I finally figure it out. Why all the efforts to make something of myself failed. Why I kept making the same mistakes over and over. The same stupid mistakes...

He collapsed on a chair and looked at Barnabas with hatred.

"How to you do it?" he asked "You too are frozen in time. You too will not grow old. but you still can learn and change. You have dignity. What is your secret?"

"You could destroy your portrait."

"And die of old age? I'd like to live a little before I die. I want to know what it means to be responsible, reliable... anything. Any of those things you find so easy to do."

"They are not as easy as you think."

"But you managed it. That's why I used your name. Because I envy you. Because I wanted to be you."

"Was that why you slapped me when I was helpless?"

"I wanted so badly to go to Parallel Time. But I could not, and watching you go there while I stayed behind... it was too much. Oh, I should have never accepted Petofi's gift. I should have known how poisonous a gift of him could be... I never had a friend, Barnabas, and you have so many. No one respect me, not even myself. You have everything and I have nothing."

"I don't have everything."

"You have enough!" Quentin said angrily "Brant puts his career on the line to help you, and he doesn't mind. You can do to Louella what...what you do, and Willie will watch you fill your needs with his wife, and his only regret would be that your hang-ups prevent you from using him the same way. You have sent Maggie to Congress. You are liked, respected, loved. They know the worst about you, and don't care."

"If they love me, it is because I love them," Barnabas said quietly "I was never given anything. I had to earn it." then his voice became quieter. "Except Julia. She believed in me against all logic. And because of her belief I could make it on my own. And so can you if you really work at it."

"Haven't you heard me explain how useless that is while that portrait exists?" Quentin moved to the liquor cabinet, and poured himself some brandy. "I guess I better take one for the road."

"Can.. can I do something?" Barnabas offered.

"You have done enough for me." Quentin said bitterly "Why couldn't you have left well enough alone?"

"I didn't think it was well enough... I am sorry."

"Yes. You are always sorry" Quentin swallowed the brandy at one gulp. "and much good it does me."

They stood silently for a few seconds, unsure of what they could say to each other.

Then they heard the small feet scurrying towards them.

It was Edmund, watching them with wide open eyes, then running to Quentin.

"Daddy! Daddy!" he shouted.

He clung to Quentin in spite of Barnabas' efforts to dislodge him, in spite of Quentin's trying to shake off this strange kid.

"Daddy! You've come for me!" I knew you would!"

Quentin looked at Barnabas dumbfounded. "Who is this?"

"Edmund Collins" Barnabas knelt down and tried to pry Edmund loose off Quentin. "He's not your father, Edmund."

"He is! You lied!" Edmund insisted.

"No, Edmund, you are wrong."

It took time to pry Edmund loose, to make him go, crying, to his room. "Why did you lie?" he asked angrily at Barnabas. "Why did you say he was dead?"

"He's not really your father. He only looks like him"

Edmund's face closed. Barnabas realized that Edmund was rejecting him. He could try explaining the concept of Parallel Universes. He could repeat many times that Quentin, his father, was dead. But it was useless. Edmund had seen Quentin and would now only believe his eyes.

And the fear mounted in Barnabas... the fear that had never left him since he had decided to adopt Edmund... all his precautions making sure that Edmund did not wander off... and now in his anger, getting careless to the point of allowing Quentin to come into his house...

He looked down the stairs to Quentin. He was going to lose Edmund... To Quentin. To someone he no longer liked nor respected...

"What's the matter with him?" Quentin asked.

"You have the same face as his father." Barnabas said dully.

"The one from Parallel Time?"

"Yes."

* * *

"Well, Rev?" Megan's mockery had no malice in it. :"Got better luck this time with Sandy?"

"She's too full of anger to really listen. But eventually she will think it over. When, I do not know, but she will."

"You are a persistent man. Do you want some coffee? I got decent coffee, not like Barnabas."

"Yes. Black with sugar."

"Would you like to talk with any of the others? Chris? Tammy? Joe?" They might need spiritual guidance.

"It would be better if they sought me out by themselves. If I forced myself on them it would make them reject me violently. I prefer to give them time. Too many churches go out to seek converts too enthusiastically. If they are true converts I have nothing to say. But any of them, apart of giving the impression of growth, are just warming the benches and understand as little, if not less, than before they converted. They probably make wonderful messes of what they hear.

Megan laughed. "I remember when I was a kid and prayed 'Lead us not into Penn Station;"

"You were not the only one."

"Seriously, Tammy might need your help. She's been having trouble lately."

"What sort of trouble?"

"She traced her roots. And guess who she found in her family tree? Barnabas. Our Barnabas."

"She's related to Barnabas?"

"She is his great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter, give or take a couple of greats. She is his direct descendant."

"Wow!" Anselm could not think of a more intelligent comment.

"The best she spoke of him, was that he was all right for a honky. Now, tell me, Rev, is that the way to treat a Venerable Ancestor, as the Chinese put it?"

"No, it isn't." Anselm finished his coffee and laid it down. "Did she tell him what she had discovered?"

"She' screwing up her courage for that. I wonder how he will take the news."

Anselm laughed "It is kind of weird." he admitted "to think that he will meet his great great great grandchild. That you too, one day..."

"I won't I have no children. Anyway, I don't intend to live that long."

"You won't?"

"My job can get dangerous, and that's why I chose it. I can't die a natural death, but there are plenty of accidental ones, if you know where to look. And Barnabas won't last long, either."

"How can you be sure?"

"He has a great need for affection. both to give and to receive. He had family and friends who loved him. And one day he lost them all. Well, he's pulled himself together. he now has family, friends, and even lovers. And he loves them as much or more than the loved those he lost. He can't stand the knowledge that he will lose them too. Willie, Julia, David... all of them. And he knows that there is only way to avoid losing them."

* * *

Carolyn was expecting him when he got back. And her expression was not mocking, as he feared.

"Did you see Barnabas?" she asked.

"Yes." He waited for her comment on his VD, but it did not come.

"Did you see the kid he has with him?"

"Edmund?"

"You met him?" she asked eagerly.

"Meet him? he clung to me, calling me Daddy, and saying that Barnabas had lied to him."

"He did? Carolyn smiled widely "Good for him. Quentin, you have to do a thing for me."

"What?"

"Claim the kid as your son."

"He's not mine."

"I know. But that will allow me to adopt him. I want him, Quentin. He's a Collins, and his parents were legally married."

"But..."

"He called you daddy. We will have no trouble convincing a judge to award him to us."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Edmund had rejected him.

He tried to deny it, say that by tomorrow he would forget it... but that was just stupid. Edmund would not forget.

If only he had achieved some closeness with him. But with the hours he had to keep, how could he? Most of the time he saw Edmund when he was asleep... How could he achieve any closeness at all? He was not like other men.

Still, there were other people who kept weird hours, and still managed to be parents...

He was going to lose Edmund. To Quentin. To Roger... to Carolyn. For he could see it now. Carolyn would claim him, if only to revenge herself for losing her own child... And if she did, Edmund would want to go with his father... even if it was not father at all.

He could not allow that. Carolyn was too bitter to be a good mother. Quentin, at best, was irresponsible. Roger...

Little as he could offer Edmund, it was better than what Carolyn offered. Collinwood wasn't a happy place, while here... There had been laughter and friendship here. There could be again. All the people that had passed through here... Willie, Phillip, Louella, Vicky, Oriana, Amy...

He had friends. Carolyn had none. Neither did Quentin. But should it ever come to the judge, that would mean nothing.

He tried to deny it. Tried to imagine Carolyn giving up on her plan... Useless. He knew her too well.

How could Edmund prefer Quentin to him? Didn't he know what Quentin was like?

Of course not. He mistook him for his father.

He could not give Edmund up. He would not. The child's father deserved better than this.

There was a footstep being him. He turned and saw Buffy.

"They are going to take him away?" she asked, very pale.

"I am going to fight them."

"I could say that he was my son."

Barnabas considered it. "Thanks, but it is useless. Edmund knows who his father is, and who his mother was. And Edmund was to go with the man he thinks is his father."

"You could make him stay."

* * *

Kenneth recognized Jessica King. And the man with her must be her husband, Zeb.

"Well, that's a pleasant surprise" he came to them. "Dr. King, Dr. King."

"Yes. King squared." Zeb said with a wide smile.

"I hope you had no further problems with either Barnabas nor Quentin."

"None. In fact, Barnabas was awfully sweet." Jessica said.

"So now you call him by his first name?" Kenneth wondered how much Jessica knew about the man. Probably not much, or she'd be terrified to come back to Collinsport.

"Oh, I told you. He was very sweet, after the way I kept harassing him and accusing him of lying."

"But it is not why we came here." Zeb King said. "Is your wife's maiden name Hoffman?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact it is."

"I knew it! It had to be her."

"Do you know her?"

"Yes. Of course, she might not remember me. Last time she saw me, I was a bratty kid who visited Uncle Dave and tried his patience. Then mother remarried, moved away, and we lost track of her."

"Well, this calls for a celebration! I am going to call Julia and tell her that you are here!"

* * *

Buffy sat outside. She could not understand why Barnabas had insisted that she leave, saying that he was enough to take care of Edmund, but grateful for the free day (early night, really).

If only there was more for her to do... if only meeting people wasn't so hard.

Maybe she should leave Collinsport. Go someplace where no one had known Buffy Duncan.

But she had not money for it. The only one she could turn to was Barnabas.

And she could not leave him.

Surprisingly how quickly fear and wariness had given way to trust and affection. It had never been his fault that John Yeager had been a creep. Sergeant Haskell wasn't his fault either. She owed him much, and the small debt he owed her once had shrunk to nothingness.

Yet still she was impatient and uncomfortable. She had to start over, and she was not young enough for it. She didn't have enough skills... and Barnabas did not expect her to be his housekeeper forever.

She wished she could stay, tell him that it did not matter. But it mattered... If only she had money...

"Mind if I sit down" somebody behind her said.

Buffy shrugged without turning. "You mistake me for someone else."

"No. You are Buffy Harrington. I could never mistake you for Buffy Duncan."

Surprised she turned to Derek "Is it _me_ that you want to talk to?"

"Yes, you." Derek smiled fetchingly "It seems we have a problem in common. If we get together we might be able to do something about it."

Buffy nodded and Derek sat behind her. "What is this problem you speak about?"

"Money. Neither of us has enough. Is that true?"

"It is true."

"You like playing the horses."

"Yes, but I can't make senses of the ones here, yet."

"I can. If I give you the money, will you place the bets and split the take? I can't go to the races myself" Derek explained "unless you can make them take place at night. I know what you have been told about me. That I am a professional con man. I will not dispute it. But with the horses, it is different. And what can you lose?"

Buffy smiled back at him. "Indeed, what? And I might make money of it, All right, I'll trust you. But you teach me about the horses here."

* * *

... You can make him want to stay...

He knew what she meant. And had not the strength to reject it. Some part of him insisted that it would be all right, even knowing what he knew.

But why not? What was wrong with it?

What had been wrong with Maggie pretending to be Josette?

But it would not be the same... he was protecting Edmund, not harming him. Even if the method was a bit... unpleasant.

He could force Edmund to forget that he was Quentin's son, could convince him that Buffy was his mother. And once that happened, he had a good chance with the judge. No, it was the thing to do, even if it meant violating his own conviction that he should not, on any grounds, attack a child.

But it would not be an attack...

That was when he heard the music, recognized it...

"London's bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down..."

"Sarah! You are back!"

"Sorry, no Sarah" Dave Woodard said. "Only your friendly pimping ghost." his voice became soft. "I promised Sarah that I would keep an eye on you, to keep your from... from making the kind of mistake that already cost you her."

"Where is she?"

"Not here. But you will see her again. Don't ask me more of it."

"I am not going to hurt Edmund." Barnabas protested.

"He will end up getting hurt."

"It won't be like that. I am doing it for his own good."

"Don't try that line on me" Dave's voice was harsh. "I know it too well. After all, when I took my boys to bed, it was for their own good, I told myself. Well, in a sense it was. But I hurt them too. And none of them worse than George."

"He was underage..."

"Your math is excellent. Yes. I could have ended up in jail for him. But with all my boys I stopped short of doing what you are now planning to do. I am being serious about it. It can end worse than Maggie ever did. Don't play with fire."

"But if I don't do that, I will lose him. I don't want to give him up to Carolyn"

"It will be painful either way. But, believe me, you can't force your will on the child without destroying him."

Barnabas sighed. It was a desperate sucking for breath, for answers...

"All right." he finally said. "You win. I won't touch him."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Carolyn won't get Edmund." Barnabas said with cold deliberation.

"She might well do it." George warned him "With Quentin at her side."

"But Quentin is not the father."

"Don't expect the judge to believe it."

"I could try to explain."

"You can't explain it. Unless you want to tell the whole story, and if you do, no judge will grant you custody."

"Because I am a vampire?"

"Yes." George said pitilessly. He did not like to see Barnabas deceiving himself.

"Why?" Barnabas was angry "Do you think that I would hurt Edmund in any way?"

"You can't care for him properly"

"I am taking care of him."

"No. Buffy Harrington is. You see him at most one hour at night before he has to go to sleep. How can you give him any attention nor any of the things a child has the right to expect of a father?"

"I can give it to him."

"You can't. You just don't have the time for it."

Barnabas' expression turned to one of stubbornness "His father entrusted him to me, not to Carolyn."

"You can never be a fit parent. Not to Edmund."

"I am better at it than Carolyn and Quentin!" Barnabas said angrily "Carolyn does not care about Edmund at all. She just wants to hurt me. What kind of mother can she make? And Quentin? You know how irresponsible he is. What kind of moral guidance can he offer?"

"Don't sell Carolyn short." George said softly "For all her defects, she could be a good mother to Edmund."

* * *

"That fellow Quentin did give us a run for your money" Jessica said.

"You can say that again." Julia agreed.

For some reason she felt uncomfortable with the couple Kenneth had introduced her to. Not Jessica, she was a personable young woman, but Zeb, for some reason, made her uneasy. She hoped they did not notice it.

"Imagine the gall of that Quentin, using someone else's name."

"And then we had that other one." Zeb added with distaste "a faggot. although I would not mind of those damned fags got every disease in the book." he saw Jessica's frown and backed off. "I know, it is unprofessional of me to say that. I just can't stand fags, that's all."

Noticing that he conversation had cooled off somewhat and that they were all staring at him, he decided to change conversation.

"But that is not why I came here. Do you remember me, Doctor Hoffman?"

Julia studied him. "Were you ever a student worker at Wyncliffe?"

"Nope."

"Did you come to any of the seminars I taught?'

"Wrong again."

"How, then?"

"I was a kid the last time you saw me. You see, my mother remarried and I took my stepfather's name. Are you sure you don't remember me?'

Julia shivered, realizing where she had known somebody named Zeb.

"Zeb Carter?"

"Yes. Son of William Carter and Donna Woodard Carter. I used to visit with Uncle Dave a lot before we moved away. I guess that Uncle Dave was my reason for going into medicine. You were close to him, weren't you?"

"Yes, I was." It was a miracle that he could smile, could talk normally.

"I always expected you to marry him. But then it must not have worked out."

"No, it didn't"

"And now I am here. A doctor myself, married to a doctor. Too bad that he can't be here to see how I turned out."

* * *

"Tammy" Megan called her "Look what the Rev gave me"

Tammy stared with a shocked expression. It was a cross that Megan was holding.

"How can you?"

"Very easy. After all it is merely psychosomatic. Derek is immune to it, same as I. Barnabas is not. He could be, but I prefer not to disabuse him."

"But... what about Tom Jennings? And Roxanne...?"

"Tom Jennings hung around with black magic practitioners like Nicholas and Angelique in her evil days. They too could not handle crosses due to their practices. He imitated them in that. As for Roxanne... I would say that her... masters wanted a way to control her if there was ever a need."

"But you never told Barnabas."

"Of course not. I want to be able to control him if he ever freaks out. He does freak out every now and then, and can be very destructive then. A few days confined in the coffin with the cross on his chest does wonders for his mental stability. And then, were it not for that, Sabrina would not have been able to truss him up to send to Parallel Time, and would have just shot him."

"And you tell me this why?"

"Because I want you to be careful how you tell him that you are his direct descendant"

"You propose that I get mushy and tell him that he's got a daughter of sorts? What if he does not want to claim kinship with a piece of black ivory?"

Megan sighed. "He can flip given enough provocation. I do not relish having to control him when he does. The last time Chris broke his collarbone, and he saw reason...But... I keep thinking of what happened when Jeb cursed him again. Nelle Gunston was one of them. Bruno's mistress, I think. He met her, and found out that she was one of them. He led her on, and got confirmation that she was a willing and enthusiastic participant. She was willing to kill and worse for Jeb's cause... He drank her blood, and then killed her. Given what had happened to him, I would be willing to call it an act of war. Same as the shooting of Schuyller Rumson... But I am afraid that what he did with her was basically freak out. He did not need to strangle her after he had fed. He could have kept her under his control... But he was in too much pain, and turmoil, so he broke her neck for revenge... Tammy, if you go to see him, watch how he reacts. And carry one cross at least. And let me know if I need to come knock sense into him."

"So, basically he gets real stupid sometimes?"

"More or less. He feels awful about it afterwards and engages into self-flagellation. But the damage is done., He had problems with impulse control when it came to anger before he was even cursed, and the transformation did not help any.. did not even teach him the wisdom of self control Then he was locked for over one hundred and fifty years in that coffin" Megan shivered, trying to imagine what it had been like "It helped even less. He is quite recovered now, and has got _some_ impulse control. Still, he can go berserk. "

"And you are telling me this why? To warn me to be careful around him?"

"And to have some compassion for him, too."

"Compassion?" Tammy shrugged "What compassion did he have for the cargo in his ships? Did he ever think how he came to have the money in his pocket? What compassion did he have for my ancestor when he raped her?"

"He suffered more than enough. His family turned against him. His mother killed herself rather than look at him. His sister died in his arms. And his father condemned him to the torment of the locked coffin...No one should have to go through that, no matter what hey had done... I do not know what would have become of him, had it not been for Julia... And he's put himself together. He became strong to the point that he could be cursed again and not be destroyed.. He's changed, Tammy. He's not the same man who used a slave for his pleasure, without caring for her. He would not do it now."

"He made his money in the slave trade."

"That money is gone. The trade is gone. What he has, he earns... Tammy, you can't undo the slave trade by punishing him. You can only hurt him needlessly."

"I am not hurting him." Tammy said. "I just don't want him to be family."

* * *

Julia adjusted the shawl over her shoulders. It was cold, getting so cold...

She knew it wasn't the cold. It was her guilt. How could she have found the courage to face Zeb? To smile at him, swap memories with him?

Maybe Dave had forgiven her, but she herself could not... It was little more than a year ago that she had been ready to kill herself.

She recognized the rustle of wings, but did not react to it. Let him say what he would. She would not listen.

"Julia" Barnabas said, miserably "You have seen Zeb, haven't you?"

"How did you know?"

"Kenneth. He commented to me about it. No, he does not know the story behind it."

Julia shrugged "Don't worry. I am not going to tell Zeb anything. I don't want anything to happen to him, too."

The barb stung. Barnabas accepted it.

"It is you that I am worried about."

"I don't see why."

"If... if came out, at worst I could claim temporary insanity. But you." he took her hands and pressed his face against them "I am afraid of all that could happen to you. From others and from yourself."

Julia stared dully ahead "We did it, you and I."

"Julia" he has now on his knees before her, kissing her hands. "Don't do this to yourself. You were swamped, caught in a situation that was getting more and more out of control. You were isolated, with no one to turn to. You owed me loyalty, not because I was a very lovable person, but because, like it or not, I was your patient... and something broke... Julia, you had a breaking point and I reached it. You can't hang people for having breaking points."

"Why not?"

Barnabas smiled sadly "We'd run out of ropes and trees. You were caught, you were vulnerable. Julia, we are all weak. We try to find the courage to do what is right, but sometimes we can't

"So that makes it right?"

"It doesn't. I wish it did. You don't know how I wish it did. It is not right that you go on punishing yourself like this. It isn't right."

"What else can I do?"

"I don't have answers, Julia. If I did I would have given them to you... All I can do is try to talk about it, try to get us to explain it to each other. I can try to make it somehow better for you. If blaming me makes you feel better, do it. If you want to hate me, do it. Just don't hurt yourself any more."

"Why shouldn't I hurt myself?"

"Because it isn't right! Julia, you are a good woman. A very good woman. You have strength, compassion, sense. You saved me from something I don't care to remember. You have been a source of comfort to many people. You've made one grievous mistake that ended in tragedy and never forgave yourself for it. Julia, I want you to forgive yourself."

"You don't ask for yourself anymore?" she asked with heavy irony.

"I don't matter now. I want you to be all right, nothing more. I want you to stop hurting yourself. If someone has to be hurt, let it be me, not you."

"You can't take my hurt away like that."

"Let me try, at least." he took both her hands and pressed them against his heart.

"And if I don't want to be helped?"

"Then I will stay with you until you say you want it."

"On your knees?"

"As long as it takes."

"No, at dawn you'll have to go."

"But I will be back."

"It will take long."

"I know. I will wait." he smiled sadly "Do you want to extract a price from me? Do you want me to save string? I did that because Dave asked me to. It was easier to get forgiveness out of him than out of you."

Julia stared at him, her eyes flinty. "I will not make it easy for you."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Your nephew is back in town" Barnabas said.

"Have you met him?"

"Not yet. But I saw what he did to Julia."

"Julia's not the only one he can hurt. He has a strong case of homophobia. Hates faggots. And if he ever goes through my papers, he might find the letters that George Brant wrote to me. If that happens, someone must protect George."

"Me? I don't know if I can protect Julia" Barnabas hugged himself. "Why can't she blame me? "Why can't she punish me for it? Why must she take it on herself, all alone?"

"She's not alone" Dave said shrewdly "she's got you. Far worse than she would if she punished you. We had a saying back then, that there's no worse son-of-a-bitch than a psychiatrist, because he knows what buttons to push... Julia knows what really hurts you, and uses it."

"But what she is doing to herself!:

"She seems to think that it is worth it. She doesn't want you to help her. She does not want to be helped. She just wants to hear you scream."

"I would scream if that way I would stop her...

"It is not that simple. And there might be problems for you, Julia, and Zeb, ahead. Zeb isn't stupid, and if Julia starts acting up, as she probably will, Zeb will start digging out what he shouldn't" Dave's expression became grim "I want Zeb kept in one piece."

Barnabas' expression was equally intent. "I promise that I won't hurt him."

"It isn't you I mean. It is Sabrina Jennings."

"Sabrina.."

"Whatever touches you, touches Maggie. You found out what happens when Maggie is threatened. I don't want Zeb to find out, too."

"I had not thought about that."

"You are very self-centered, you know that?"

"Yes, I know. And you are right. Parallel Time is not a very welcoming place these days."

They were silent for a while, with Barnabas looking at Dave with anguished eyes.

"No" Dave said finally. "I can't give you what you want. It is impossible."

"You don't know..."

"Yes, I know. It is such a little thing... It is not forgiveness that you want. It is not to be able to undo the past, not a way to make it up to me. No, you want much less and much more."

"What is it that I want?"

"You only want to put your arm around my shoulders and tell me that you'll buy me a beer. Such a little thing, really. But it can't be done."

* * *

Buffy looked worriedly as Edmund tried to show off his athletic prowesses on the furniture.

Barnabas had said to let him, that since he would be staying inside now he should be able to get exercise this way.

It was crazy to keep the kid inside. But, as Barnabas reasoned, if Edmund went out, he'd run to Quentin, and once he was in Collinwood, Carolyn had won her battle.

She wished that he could understand that Carolyn would have the child in the end. She held all the cards in the game. But she doubted that it would do much good. Others had told Barnabas that much or more, and Barnabas had not budged.

"Be careful" she said to Edmund.

Edmund didn't answer. Buffy knew that it was not just mischievousness. Edmund was angry at being kept apart from his father and was determined to escape.

Edmund finally came down from the desk and sat on the floor. Serve them right if he broke something...

But this did not help him get to his father. He could not even use the phone to tell him to come for him, could not call anyone, as they all seemed to obey Barnabas.

But there must surely be a way out.

He remembered something that Elsa had said. Something about secret passages. She said that this house had several, and that she would one day show them to him.

But where could a secret passage be? From what he had read in comic books, they usually had a knob of something that you either turned or pushed, and suddenly a door opened.

...Elsa had said something about the library. And then about the cellar. Which was it?... No, the cellar was where that cell was, just like in a real jail. The secret passage must be in the library.

Buffy saw him enter the library and look for books. Well, he was now finding quieter ways to spend his time...

And indeed, Edmund was quiet. Finding that knob took time, and there were too many things there to push, pull, and turn.

But eventually he found the right one. The door opened.

Edmund peeked. There were candles there, which would help him find his way out. And something else.

He entered the room, sure that he had finally found the way out. But once in, all he saw was bare stone around him... not a passage, a room.

Unless the box in the middle of the room led to stairs... he had read a story once when that happened.

He lifted the lid and stared at Barnabas' face.

Fear gripped him, remembering other stories. He touched Barnabas. There was something dark in the corner of his mouth... it could not be that... not that...

Shivering, he lifted the upper lip.

* * *

Elsa wondered why Edmund would not come out again. He was sick, Barnabas said. But... but there was something odd in the way Buffy had said it...

"Elsa" she heard her name being called.

She turned. The face above her was that of a stranger. But still she felt as if she knew it from somewhere.

"You know me, Elsa" Dave Woodard said "close you eyes, and you'll remember."

Elsa closed her eyes. A few moments later she opened them again.

"I do remember you." she said solemnly.

"Edmund needs you." Woodard said. "And you are the only one who can help him."

* * *

"Edmund, it is not what you think." Buffy tried to calm a shaking Edmund. "I know what you saw" she tried to touch him but he ran from her.

He could not trust her. He could not trust anyone in here. And Barnabas... he could not trust Barnabas at all. Not now that he knew...

Barnabas had lied to him. Barnabas had kept him away from his father. Barnabas... Barnabas was not human...

And Captain Todd and Victoria Collins... they were all in it...

* * *

Elsa slipped by through the secret tunnel to the cellar. She could hear Buffy pleading upstairs, and she could hear Edmund's fearful replies.

"I can't get to him if she's here." she said.

"Leave it to me." Woodard said.

"Edmund" Buffy spoke to the closed door. "You are being silly. Come out of there this instant and... Aieee!"

She turned, shaken by the chill touch she had felt in her back.

"Go" Dave said to her, gently. "Something must happen here, and it cannot if you stay."

She moved away a few steps, not many, afraid to let him come closer, but unwilling to leave Edmund unattended.

Elsa slipped by and spoke to the door. "Edmund, it is me. Elsa."

"Go away, Elsa! You are one of them!"

"I am not. I want to show you the secret tunnel."

"I found it, And it is not a tunnel... in it is..."

"You found it? The one in the cellar?" Elsa's voice had changed, Buffy noticed. It had grown wiser, somehow. Calmer. "that is the one you need."

"No.." Edmund pouted "not in the cellar."

"Then you have not found it, and you need me to show it to you."

Edmund wondered if he should open the door. If he did, Buffy would grab him... could he trust Elsa? But the tunnel...

Impulsively he opened the door. Buffy was there, but seeming afraid to touch him. And there was someone else there... someone he did not know, but felt he could trust.

"Come, lets' go" Elsa urged him.

* * *

Elsa led Edmund forward, even after they had left the tunnel. He was aware that she had changed, and he responded to it.

Elsa was silent. She was aware that she was hurting Barnabas, but also that it was not a needless hurt that she was inflicting. She knew that Edmund would not find what he really wanted in Carolyn and Quentin, but that he would find much. If Edmund had been capable of accepting Barnabas she would not do this, _He_ would not have asked her to do what she was doing now...

She knew that she was Elsa Quarles, but that she was someone else, too...someone whose name she still not recognized, but that she would, very soon.

She knocked at the door of Collinwood.

They were admitted into the house, the servant who had begun to protest being silenced by the look in Elsa's eyes. Edmund tailed after her, surprised by how Collinwood had changed inside.

Carolyn was sitting at her desk, as she always did at this hour. She looked with surprise at Elsa, and then with a wide smile at Edmund.

"He wants to live with you." Elsa said. "You and his father."

Carolyn rose. "Welcome, Edmund. This is your home from now on."

"Where is daddy?" Edmund asked.

"It is a bit early for him, but he will be here. And Roger is here. Do you want to see him?"

"Roger?" Edmund's eyes lit up. "Does he live with you?"

"Indeed he does."

Edmund raced out of the room to meet Roger, leaving Carolyn alone with Elsa.

"Is there anything you want?" she asked, deferentially. Why was this child so different all of a sudden? Why did she have this strange feeling in her presence?

"I do not want anything." Elsa said solemnly. "Only that you make Collinwood a happy home for Edmund."

Carolyn nodded, a shiver running down her spine. "I will" she promised.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Anger filled Barnabas as Buffy told him how Elsa had led Edmund away, to Carolyn, probably.

"I tried to stop them" Buffy said "but this man prevented me. He..."

Buffy described the one who had held her at bay, and as she did, Barnabas felt himself become angrier and angrier. How could he... How could they? His hand closed on a knickknack and crushed it to powder...

"Go!" he ordered Buffy.

"I am sorry. I tried to stop them"

...It was over, all of it...

Barnabas stared ahead, as fury mounted in him. He managed to make himself calm enough to talk to Buffy.

"Go" he insisted. "I know that it wasn't your fault. But I know that I am going to start breaking things. Get out of here before I hurt you! Go!"

Buffy left, casting nervous glances towards Barnabas. When she was gone, Barnabas drove his fist into a chair, then one he had torn its insides, he lifted it and hurled against the wall. That done, he looked for something else to break.

* * *

The place was a mess. He was sitting among broken chairs, smashed glassware, strewn candles, and torn paper. And it didn't help any.

It wasn't right. It wasn't right that Carolyn and Quentin should have Edmund.

He did not want to break anything else. He found little satisfaction in destruction.

How could he lose Edmund like that? Hadn't he been punished enough? What more could anyone want?

"It wasn't meant as a punishment."

Barnabas turned angry eyes to Dave "I hope that's enough for you!" he shouted angrily. "That's why you spared me before, is that it? Because having me shot or raped would not hurt me enough! You wanted to hear me scream, didn't you? Well, you got it! You have found what really hurts me and used it! Go away! I don't owe you anything anymore! You have your pound of flesh!"

Dave vanished, and Barnabas buried his head in his hands, weeping.

It was lonely, among the broken furniture. Edmund was gone, and Buffy was at a safe distance from him.

It hurt so much to lose Edmund that way... he could remember only once when he had hurt as much. That time when he had been forced to understand that Maggie could not be Josette. But then his rage had provided a good anesthetic, while now nothing protected him from the sadness.

Something rubbed against his hand. Absentmindedly he stroked the cat who tried to get him to play. He picked up the small creature, despite its mewling half protests and began cuddling it.

Soon the cat was purring in his arms as he stroked its fun.

"Did you miss me when I was away?" he asked it "Or were you just as happy cuddling up with Phillip and Vicky? I bet that Phillip was more fun. You could slip under the covers and play with his bare toes, not like me."

The cat purred some more.

"But then, you are glad to have me around. I shouldn't ask more of you.

The cat mewled softly.

Barnabas stroked him behind the ears. It felt good, that warm bundle of fun and affection... it did not make up for Edmund, but still it made things a bit better.

The knock at the door brought him back.

It was Tammy, looking between angry and embarrassed.

"I don't know whether to tell you this or not." she said, "whether there is any point in it."

Barnabas cocked his head, wondering what she was talking about.

Tammy saw the broken furniture, and remembered Megan's warming about him freaking out. She touched the cross that Megan had insisted she carry "just in case" and hoped that the link she had with Megan was still fresh enough. She decided to tone down her words.

"I have been tracing my roots." she said, cautiously. "learning about my ancestors."

Barnabas' expression did not change.

"And what I found... There was this slave, Lavinia, owned by the Richardson family. And seems that they had a visitor at the family, and that they loaned him this slave as a bedmate... and a child came from that... and we are descended from that child,"

Barnabas wondered why she told him this... The Richardsons... Lavinia... It could not be.

"That visitor that used Lavinia was one Barnabas Collins, from Maine...It was you who impregnated her. You impregnated my great-great-great-great-great grandmother"

Barnabas stared at Tammy, wondering what he must feel.

"Which makes you my great great great great grandfather, give or take a couple of greats."

"I see" he was not sure he did.

"But I don't expect you to be family... I rather you didn't. After all, it was rape what you did. She could not say no, or she'd be punished for disobedience..." Her hand closed on the cross. Would he give her warning if he lost it? "We are related, but I don't like it. And I think that you'd rather not be related to the dark ivory that your family traded in."

"But... but why tell me this?" his fury spent, he was only dumbfounded, and weary...

"Because everyone was bugging me to tell you."

* * *

Tammy had left and Barnabas did not know whether to cry or laugh... A child of his, suddenly turning up.

But Tammy had not fallen on his neck, weeping and calling him "daddy". It would have been a most ridiculous scene if she had, after all.

Yet, to know that he had had a child of his own...

Why did she have to tell him at all? To tell him that he had fathered generations that knew him only as the white man who had raped Granny? Who though of him with scorn, if at all?

Lavinia...he remembered the Richardson family. He remembered his trip down South, to the plantation. He remembered being given a slave for the night...

But he had never learned her name. He could not remember her face either... One more nigger...

And now Tammy took him to account for it.

"What is it like, being called a honky by your own great great great great granddaughter?"

Anger welled up in Barnabas as he confronted Dave Woodard. "What more do you want? You cost me Edmund. You cost me Sarah. Is there something else of mine that you want to take away?"

"I did not take Edmund away to punish you."

"Why did you do it, then? For Edmund's sake?"

"Yes."

"How can letting Carolyn have him be good for Edmund?"

"Have you seen what a custody fight can do to a child? I have, " Dave spoke softly " and then you knew your were forcing an unnatural life on Edmund, keeping him sequestered and all that. He would have never been happy with you."

"I loved Edmund. I love him." Barnabas said angrily "and you took him away from me. All right, I owed you. But why collect this way? Wasn't there anything else you could have done to me?"

"I did it for Edmund. I also did it for Sarah."

"Sarah? Yes, you stole her from me, too. She would not come to me on account of you... Was that not enough? You knew what was that I cared most. Why Edmund too? Why give him to Carolyn and Quentin?"

"You asked me something about Sarah, not long ago. Do you remember?"

Barnabas stared at him.

"Go ask Elsa. She will tell you why she obeyed me and led Edmund away."

* * *

Elsa had already gone to sleep when he came in. So had her parents.

For one moment he was unwilling to go on. Suppose he was wrong. Suppose his hopes were dashed again.

All it took were a few questions...

Very gently he stroked Elsa's face with a fingertip, until her eyes opened.

"Barnabas" she said, recognizing him.

He placed a finger over her lips "I just want to ask you something, Elsa."

"Are you mad? He said that it had to be done... and" Elsa said with sudden gravity. "Edmund could not be happy with you."

... Those words, that tone. He held his breath Was he right, then? "I am not angry, not with you."

"So what do you want?"

"Look into my eyes, Elsa."

She met his eyes fearlessly, and he felt uneasy looking into them.

"What is your name?"

"Elsa Quarles."

"What was your name before that?"

She furrowed her brow, as if trying to remember. Barnabas waited, counting the seconds..

"Sarah Collins" she finally said.

A shiver ran through Barnabas. Yes, he had suspected it. But he had not truly believed it.

Elsa... no, Sarah... was now staring at him, with the expression he knew so well.

"You have come back to me, then, Sarah?"

"Yes. I did."

"And you are not angry with me anymore?"

"No. I am not. And you are not bad anymore."

"No." he stroked her hair. "Do you understand why all that happened? Why I did what I did?"

"I do."

He hugged her. "My little Sarah. My little sister. I thought I'd never see you again. But I have."

"I hurt you when I did that?' she said, wistfully.

"I needed to get hurt. And now it is going to be different. Now that I have you again."

"Barnabas" he expression was suddenly adult "I was Sarah once. But now I am Elsa Quarles. I have to grow up and learn what I could not have when I was Sarah... I can't be your sister anymore."

Barnabas put his hands on her hair. "Sarah... Sarah." his voice was choked with emotion. "I know that. But for tonight, will you be Sarah again? Just for tonight, the way things used o be?"

She smiled "Of course. For tonight, you can be my big brother again."

He held her close, her head on his chest, and began humming a half-forgotten lullaby "My baby " he said, kissing her forehead "My fairy princess. I missed you so much."

* * *

Elsa had gone to sleep and he was back at the Old House.

"All right." he said aloud "I am willing to believe that you did not take him away out of malice. I want to listen to why you did it."

Dave appeared to him again. "Simply because he could never be happy with you."

"Will he be happy with Carolyn and Quentin?"

"He could. There is Roger to consider. Roger can be a good father to him."

"As he was to David?"

"Much better. He will give Edmund all the love he denied David."

"What about Carolyn and Quentin?"

"Carolyn will keep Quentin at a distance from Edmund. As for her, don't sell he short."

"She is a bitter woman."

"With a great need to love and be loved. You understand better than anybody what happens when such a need is left unfulfilled. Edmund will be good for her."

"I wish I could trust that."

"Why? Do you think that you are the only one who can straighten up if given half the chance?"

Barnabas sighed, not knowing what to say.

"I know that it hurts."

Barnabas looked down. "At least..., at least I saw Sarah again, and I know that she is not angry with me anymore." he smiled, wistfully "thank you."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Phillip studied the disaster, not critically, almost with admiration.

"I heard what happened." he said to Barnabas.

"Quite messy, eh?" Barnabas admitted. "When I freak out, as Megan calls it, I get quite destructive. Fortunately this time there was no living creature involved in it." There was no hostility in Barnabas' words, just wistfulness.

"I wondered if you were all right."

"I haven't recovered from the shock, yet. But I am going to make it."

"I am sorry."

Barnabas shrugged and sat on the floor. "It was in the cards. I knew from the start that I would lose him. He's looking for his father, and the most likely candidate is married to Carolyn. It was obvious what would happen, what with Carolyn unable to have children of her own, and her wanting to hurt me. My... my condition made it worse.

"Yes, it is a bummer."

"Life is unfair, as Jimmy Carter says. I know that I can be a better father than Quentin, but I would never be able to prove it."

There was a broken sound at the back of Barnabas' throat. Phillip recognized it, but ignored it. Barnabas did not want to be seen crying.

"You want to talk about it?"

"I have to. You see, I finally got the idea that I would never get Josette back. And I understand that I can't have children of my own. I had to accept it. " He threw his head back "If you keep hitting your head on a wall long enough, eventually you figure that all you are getting is a headache... But Edmund...it seemed so simple. He had no family. I had no children. It seemed perfect. What else. Let Carolyn have him? He certainly does not want to live here. And Carolyn... Carolyn has some maternal instinct. She might well turn up a good mother."

"And you?"

"If I am lucky, I'll get some visiting privileges. That is, if Edmund wants to see me, which I suspect he doesn't"

"I wish I could help."

"You can't. But thanks for offering. It was a nice dream, but only a dream."

"You deserved it." Phillip said fiercely " you deserved to keep the kid."

"Maybe, but that cannot be. All I can do is stay here and make myself even more miserable. Still... still I would have made a good father...

* * *

Barnabas stood outside Collinwood. Edmund was inside, lost to him. He would never hold Edmund... Edmund himself would not want him to do it... he'd be too scared.

"When had Edmund wanted him? He reviewed in his mind all those weeks in which he had tried to keep Edmund as confined as possible, to keep him from running away.

He had wanted Edmund, but the feeling hadn't been mutual. It was Maggie's story all over. He sighed. He no longer kidnapped pretty girls because he believed any of them could be Josette. But he could try to coax and browbeat a child into being the son he never had.

There was a lighted window. Where David's room used to be. And he could hear laughter coming from it.

He flew up there, and looked inside.

There Edmund, in his pajamas, was riding over Roger's shoulders.

"Giddy up, horse!" Edmund shouted, while Roger neighed, rather badly.

Something between relief and envy hit Barnabas. Edmund would be all right... And he had never laughed like that at the Old House.

He hovered there, awhile, trying to sort out his feelings, trying to accept the finality of the separation.

Edmund would be Carolyn's son. More importantly, he would be Roger's son.

He thought of David, of the last letter he had received from him, telling all about the vicissitudes of being a college student. Roger probably didn't receive any letters like this.

The pain he was suffering now, Roger had suffered for years. And he had so many people who loved him. There was Willie. Willie and Louella. There was Amy... There was Elsa,... He had many friends, while Roger only had Carolyn.

Maybe it was right that Roger had Edmund. They needed each other.

He wondered briefly if Quentin would have wanted this for his son. Maybe not. But if Quentin had understood the situation, he would have accepted it.

* * *

"Well, how does it feel to be a mother?" Quentin asked ironically to Carolyn.

"I like it."

"And soon it will be legal. I understand that Barnabas will not contest it." he poured himself a drink "I should congratulate you. You got everything you set out to get. You now have a husband and a child. Your last name is Collins. If your husband is that in name only, if the child is not more yours than your husband is your husband, those are details."

"Drinking again." Carolyn said with mock sweetness. "It is a good thing that you are _not_ Edmund's father, or I'd be afraid to take him in. And don't you forget it. Edmund _is_ a Collins."

"Yes. he is" Quentin shrugged "He seems to have hit it off well with Roger."

"Yes, he has."

"And you must relieved that Edmund is going to be legally your son. Now you won't have to worry about Roger putting David in his will again. He will give it all to Edmund. And you, as the mother, will have control of it."

Carolyn studied Quentin coldly. "Oh, go get yourself some more VD."

"Considering what happened last time I did, you should be grateful."

* * *

It was quiet inside... he should try straightening the mess he had created last night. But he could not find the will.

So, instead, he sat down, stroking the cat again. Where was Buffy? Had he scared her so much that she had fled Collinsport? He doubted it. Buffy was a level headed woman. Probably had gone off to enjoy the vacation she was always asking him for.

And he didn't blame her. She had been as much a prisoner as Edmund. He hoped she was having fun, even if that meant playing the horses. (He had found about her little hobby).

He stroked the cat again.. It was a different one than the one he held last night.

"Don't stay here."

"Huh?" Barnabas shrugged "You back again? What is it with you? Am I your social reclamation project or anything?"

Dave laughed at that. "Go with a friend. Willie. Or Phillip. Or Frances. Or Megan. Just do not remain alone."

"I am not alone. You are with me."

"I can't give you what you need. You need someone you can hold close, and on whose shoulder you can cry on. And that's beyond me."

"And we know whose fault it is."

"There you go again" Dave grimaced "I thought I had finally gotten somewhere with you."

The cat twisted in Barnabas' lap. "Maybe you have."

"Yes, I got you to the point of actually yelling at me."

"I was wrong about that."

"No. It had to come. Anyway, as I said, don't stay here all alone."

* * *

There was a slight wariness in Willie's mind as he tried to comfort Barnabas. Like it or not, he was going to have a child while Barnabas had lost his.

It wasn't just his good fortune coming so close together with Barnabas' bad one. He was afraid.

Would Barnabas take his child from him? Ridiculous...but... He had played that game with Maggie, pretending she was Josette. If he wanted to play games with his baby...

It was unworthy to think those thoughts, yet he could not repress them. he knew what Barnabas was like when pushed too far. and now... maybe he had been pushed too far.

"It isn't only Edmund, isn't' it?" he asked, trying to cover his embarrassment.

"No, it isn't It is also Iris leaving me. And then Roxanne. And what Sabrina did to me... Maggie... it took me a while to realize the kind of relationship that Maggie wanted from me. And still... If he had tried to kill me or hurt me for what I had done to her, I'd have understood. But it was just cold-blooded calculation about her reelection chances." he gulped "And then they things I saw back there, in Parallel Time."

"I understand that it was quite rough out there."

"It was." Barnabas laughed "Do you know that Quentin named his son for his friend, Edmund Muskie?"

"No!" Willie whistled. "of course, that Muskie never got to be Secretary of State."

"No. Not there. But it was certainly strange to see him so close...and then the rest of it... can you imagine a world in which a cyanide pill is your most precious possession?"

Willie let Barnabas ramble. Talking did seem to relieve him. At least, gave him something to do.

"Do any of you want anything?" Louella asked.

Barnabas looked at her. "Just come here."

Louella moved by his side and let him hold her. He seemed so shaken. She had used his strength when she needed it, and now that strength was gone.

"The baby doesn't show" he said, dreamily.

"Of course not." she said. "it is too early."

"Too early?" Barnabas said, then nodded. "Yes, it is too early."

A shiver ran down Willie's back.

"Before you know it, I'll be all swollen up like a balloon." Louella promised him.

Barnabas smiled absentmindedly.

"I think that it was rotten, what Carolyn did to you." Willie said, to break the tension "You'd be a better parent than those two."

"Yes. But it cannot be. As luck would have it, Edmund's father's counterpart is Carolyn's husband. Luck... my luck leaves a lot to be desired.

Barnabas' tone...he had sounded like this when he had finally understood that Maggie would not become Josette...

Willie moved away from him, fear in his face..


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Willie did not trust in him. There was no mistaking the coldness, the fear that he showed when Louella had come closer to him... and if Willie was afraid that he would hurt Louella...

It hurt to realize that. Why would Willie fear him? Why would he act as if he was a threat to Louella and the baby?

It wasn't bad enough that Edmund had left him. Willie had to turn against him, too.

He heard the door open and the woman's footsteps. Buffy's footsteps.

"Lord, what a mess!" she said.

"Yes." he agreed "It is quite a mess."

"And you expect me to clean up, of course."

Barnabas smiled sheepishly "I would appreciate it if you did."

"If you are going to do this often, I want a raise."

"How about more vacation?"

She stared at him "You mean that?"

"Now that Edmund's gone, there is not much to do here. And you can use the free time."

Buffy hesitated

"What is it?"

"Could I take the car? You don't use it and...and I'd like to get out of town for a while."

"To the racetrack?"

Buffy blushed "I don't play the horses that much."

"Good. You should be saving your money, not throwing it away like that."

"I just need to get out of town. Too many people react as if I was a ghost. Out there, I feel more like a human being."

Barnabas sighed. "All right, you can have the car. Try not to run me too high a gas bill."

* * *

It was lonely, now that Buffy had gone to be. All he had to do the rest of the night was to brood over Willie.

It was not his imagination. He had seen Willie afraid too often. Had seen Willie afraid _of him _ too often. And that was what he had read in Willie's eyes.

And he did not deserve it, this time... He knew that he was indulging in self-pity, but decided he had earned to right to it.

His mind wandered again to Edmund. They had no right to take Edmund away from him. How could anyone say that Edmund would be better off with Carolyn?

"Why can't Edmund be happy with me?" he shouted defiantly. "Why Carolyn and not me?"

Dave was there, shaking his head. "You know the answer to that."

'Yes" Barnabas growled" Edmund missed his father. He was living with people he did not trust. He was kept inside forcibly. I could not give him the care and attention he needed."

'Yes, that's it. You know it by now."

"But it hurts, it hurts so much... I never had a child."

"Neither did I."

"But you chose not to! You knew that your... boys could not get pregnant."

"So you finally accepted that I had a sex life... Anyway, you have Tammy."

"She does not want me. And I don't blame her for it. Raping her ancestor does not make me a relative."

"Well, our relatives are thrust upon us. It is our friends that we choose."

"I am not doing so well with my friends."

"Nonsense! You went to the wrong friend, a first time father, who has shown some of the pathologies that first time fathers get."

"The way Willie looked at me... I had hoped never to see that face again..."

"Well, you did... as Megan puts it... freak-out. And you can be very destructive when you do. Willie was not sure it was over yet."

"Still..."

"And then Willie is getting a pregnancy induced paranoia, too. "

"But Louella is the pregnant one..."

"You skipped that part in Julia's notebooks as to how expectant fathers begin to mimic their wives' symptoms? A lot of men do come down with morning sickness. So I would not put too much stock in the way Willie acts up. Just go to a different friend for comfort as it puts more stress on him, and indirectly on Louella. He is getting on Louella's nerves, being overprotective and all that. He should take it easier."

"But what is he afraid of? That I'd hurt the baby?

"That you'd steal it for yourself to make up for Edmund."

"And it would not have been beyond me at some point... I will never live my past down, I guess."

"Don't get truculent. You have."

Barnabas was silent. The pain in him was too strong to be reasoned with.

"If only it did not hurt so much" he said, at last.

"I could say that the pain will go away. But there will always be pain. You just will get better at handling it."

"But why pain?"

"Because of desire... Life is full of suffering, Suffering comes from desire. It is possible to avoid suffering. Suffering can be avoided by following the eightfold path. Those are the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. Maybe you should look into it."

"Perhaps... Tell me, why can't you lie to me and give me some comforting illusion?"

"I am not into the business of false comfort."

"No..." he stared ahead, remembering. "I was so out of control back then... It scares me now just to think of how out of control I was... That I could be that way, that I would lose all contact with myself. I had this list... People I planned to kill: David, Julia, Maggie, Willie... Suppose I would not have failed with them the way I failed with you. Suppose I had killed Willie. Would I even know what I had missed?"

"Probably not."

"Could you and I have been friends?"

Dave laughed "You keep coming back to it."

"It is important."

Dave laughed again, not unkindly "We could have been lovers."

Barnabas stiffened at that.

"It is the way you look at me. That was why I preferred boys, the younger the better. Not because I wanted virgins - a number of them were not - not because young bodies are so unattractive... not that it did not have its attraction... to hold a young, firm, inexperienced boy in your arms and to wear down his fears and defenses to that at last he welcomes my penetration...

"Please," Barnabas said, blushing deeply "don't... don't get too specific."

Dave's mouth curled in amusement. "I forgot, you were raped, and you can't understand can there can be pleasure or beauty in it. But there is. Ask George if you don't believe me."

Barnabas shook his head.

"You would be good for George, and George would be good for you."

Barnabas grumbled. "If there is one thing worse than a vengeful ghost, it is a pimping one."

"True, very true. Anyway, I was telling you about my boys, what I really looked in them. Not the pleasure of the body, even though I freely gave and received it. No. It was their... awe, their adoration, their worship. I was more than lover to them. I was also parent, teacher, guru... They all looked up at me, they felt honored that I would use their bodies. They sought my guidance and help and I gave it to them, and that I gave freely and unselfishly - as much as the situation could be called unselfish. I took much and I gave much. But only as long as I was a god in their eyes. One day they grew up and realized that I was just a man, with a man's weaknesses... It was sad when that happened, for that meant that I would not have them in my bed anymore. You see, I could not love men, only boys. So I got rid of them by finding scholarships or good positions, a good future where I could only stand it their way if they did not leave me... Then I hunted for a replacement... But sad as the lover was, the parent in me was proud that another of my kids had made good. And now I am sad and proud."

"Why?"

"Because you are not awed by me, anymore. Because you can talk back to me."

Barnabas stared at him uncomprehendingly, then understanding came,

"When you knelt by my grave and pleaded for Julia's life your eyes were so much like those of a boy offering himself to me..." Dave's voice was level "Maybe I would have helped Julia out of pity. But seeing you gave me another reason... I found you attractive, very attractive then. No, I could not have your body, even if I tried George to do it for me. He refused, and was right to do so. But all the rest I took from my boys, I took from you. Awe, trust, adoration... You were my boy, Barnabas Collins. As mine as George ever was. I could never set George free, and maybe that was the only thing I could not forgive you, for George is still my boy when he should be his own man. But I have set you free, and maybe you can set George free."

There was a long silence, Barnabas unable to speak, trying to sort out his feelings.

"You, bastard..." he managed to say "you did this to me."

"Yes, I always was a manipulative bastard. But I do mean you well.."

"I guess I did ask for it... But why set me free at all?"

"Edmund. You were wrong in holding him as you were. But so was I in holding you as a boy when your were too old for that. I could free Edmund only if I freed you too. I have done that."

"Yes, you did."

"I only regret that I could not have your body along with the rest of it."

* * *

Will Zeb King ask too many questions? How will Edmund fare as Carolyn's son? Will Willie calm down, or will his insecurity damage his relationship with Louella? How deep will Buffy get in Derek's schemes? How will Barnabas relationship with George change?

Stay tuned...


End file.
